January 3rd, 2016by Take a Deep Breath
Hey loves. So I haven’t been on here in what seems like forever- and I see so many new faces! (Hello new faces:)
I don’t know if I’m coming back or if I’m just popping in- probably just popping in. Before I talk about me, I wanna say that I hope everyone is doing, at the very least, ok. Of course, I hope for adventurous magnificence for all of you, but I know that’s not always reality. Life, emotions, people, combinations of all three- they can constantly stand in your way to happiness. But I’m here to tell you that you deserve to push negative roadblocks aside and take life by the balls and live it the way you deserve to.
I have lost myself… I’m not sure if I’m Sam the girl who loves coffeeshops and acoustic guitar or Sam who sleeps with random people or Sam who is completely anti social or Sam who’s always in the middle of it all… I don’t know. I really don’t know. All I know is I just don’t know anymore.
Which is why I’m writing today. You see, not knowing who you are; not knowing who you are going to be when you wake up in the morning, or who you’ll be after you eat lunch or go out for dinner- it seems impossible to hang onto your true self, the one with morals and values and dreams. I am a cutter, a suicidal, a spazz, a truster, an adventurer, a lover, a fighter, a runner, a rider- I am so many things, and I think I need to learn how to live in peace with all of these facets of myself. I keep fighting with each of them- fighting to stay one thing. I don’t know if I should give in and morph into whoever whenever or fight to be one. But I guess that’s what it’s like being bipolar- I guess you could even look at it like an adventure. One whose ending will be different every moment.
But I have to remember to value each of these little adventures- each moment I have here is precious. Each moment i spend laughing and giggling and enjoying- even when these moments are rare, they are precious. More so when I struggle to find them. I find when I’m at peace with myself (which rarely happens let me tell you) I can help all of you more. And that’s all I want at the end of the day. To make a difference 🙂
I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here for me. I’d name everyone, but if I forgot someone, i’d never forgive myself. So, i hope you read this, and I wish I could show my gratitude to all of you who have been here. Thank you 🙂