Hey loves. So I haven’t been on here in what seems like forever- and I see so many new faces! (Hello new faces:)
I don’t know if I’m coming back or if I’m just popping in- probably just popping in. Before I talk about me, I wanna say that I hope everyone is doing, at the very least, ok. Of course, I hope for adventurous magnificence for all of you, but I know that’s not always reality. Life, emotions, people, combinations of all three- they can constantly stand in your way to happiness. But I’m here to tell you that you deserve to push negative roadblocks aside and take life by the balls and live it the way you deserve to.
I have lost myself… I’m not sure if I’m Sam the girl who loves coffeeshops and acoustic guitar or Sam who sleeps with random people or Sam who is completely anti social or Sam who’s always in the middle of it all… I don’t know. I really don’t know. All I know is I just don’t know anymore.
Which is why I’m writing today. You see, not knowing who you are; not knowing who you are going to be when you wake up in the morning, or who you’ll be after you eat lunch or go out for dinner- it seems impossible to hang onto your true self, the one with morals and values and dreams. I am a cutter, a suicidal, a spazz, a truster, an adventurer, a lover, a fighter, a runner, a rider- I am so many things, and I think I need to learn how to live in peace with all of these facets of myself. I keep fighting with each of them- fighting to stay one thing. I don’t know if I should give in and morph into whoever whenever or fight to be one. But I guess that’s what it’s like being bipolar- I guess you could even look at it like an adventure. One whose ending will be different every moment.
But I have to remember to value each of these little adventures- each moment I have here is precious. Each moment i spend laughing and giggling and enjoying- even when these moments are rare, they are precious. More so when I struggle to find them. I find when I’m at peace with myself (which rarely happens let me tell you) I can help all of you more. And that’s all I want at the end of the day. To make a difference 🙂
I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here for me. I’d name everyone, but if I forgot someone, i’d never forgive myself. So, i hope you read this, and I wish I could show my gratitude to all of you who have been here. Thank you 🙂
8 comments
Thats a good post! I hope you’re ok!
We all make mistakes.
It’s important to learn from them and move on.
@TaDB: hello there! I didn’t get any response from emailing you so I decided to be an attention whore and just post for you here…
Glad to see your living. Bipolar is a *****. I’ve been standing in your shoes on many an occasion
Oh shoot Hazy I’m sorry! I haven’t been checking my email either… Just kinda went off the web for a while.
No shame in unplugging, which is why I posted here.
Glad to see you’re still alive and kicking. I don’t have anything much to say other than thanks for sharing, and that i hope that your adventure continues and leads you to a happy, good place 🙂
Hello to you too, you lovely person.
Sweet sweet teddy bear. You know I love you, that I care so much about you.
I’m honored to be able to talk to someone like you on a day to day.
You’re so strong and you continue to fight for some type of normalcy, and I really really appreciate that about you.
Through everything we’ve been through these past few months, I’ll just say that, anytime you want to talk, feel free to message me. Know that I love all sides of you, that if you’re having a bad day and want to yell or cuss at me, that I will gladly take it all because I love you, all of you, and because I will always be your friend…
“Find your adventure.”
You’d always tell me that, and so I reciprocate the action.
I hope you find your adventure, too. <3
Sending lots of love and endless hugs,
Trey/T, the mindless gamer.
I second Mf. I hope your adventure is breathtaking. You’re a wonderful person, for wanting to make a difference and patch up other people even when you yourself aren’t in a perfect place. Best of wishes, TaDB. 🙂