I’ve had depression since I was 7.
I’ve had a shit life growing up.
I started getting sick when I was 23.
I was 28 when I got run over by a car. That moment was my ‘death.’
I haven’t been able to live a normal life since. My health is shit. My legs and hands don’t work like they should.
I’m always tired/sick/something going on with some part of my body.
I have no friends. I don’t have a significant other. Nobody wants to date or marry a semi-disabled person. Nobody wants to be friends with someone who is not healthy. Nobody my age understands what it means to be sick with no cure. People my age think “if you hurt yourself, you’ll just heal back up, and you get back up. if you don’t, you just haven’t tried hard enough.” Well fuck you. You’ll see how it is when you get old or sick. Then you’ll know what it’s like.
People are / have been so mean to me.
I no longer have that fire, the spark for life. I have no aspirations. I feel nothing but pain and emptiness.
I’ve tried and tried so hard, for so long, and I have gotten nowhere. So the least uphill thing to do is just to stop trying. It’s hard to push yourself when you’re so physically exhausted. Jesus, even going out to get food is physically draining, but I’m forced to do that shit otherwise I die. Well it would be a slow painful death, so not good.
I feel like shit because I am doing nothing with my life. I got sick too young, before I was able do something, achieve something, accomplish things. I feel like shit because I feel like I am nothing. I am nobody.
I feel like shit because I’m not sure what I can do, or can achieve now, given my body and lack of resources and everything. I feel like shit bc I have no energy to want to do anything. I just want to sleep all day long, but can barely sleep every night bc my spine is fucked up. I’m always tired.
I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to do something great and meaningful with my life. And now, all I want to do is be able to sleep, and breathe, and be able to walk normal again. And be able to EAT. And not feel sick every day.
What do you do when you no longer have a desire to do anything? I mean, I want to do something with my life, but on the other hand, I don’t want to do anything bc anything and everything requires too much effort, and I am just too damn tired to do anything other than attempt to feed myself and do laundry and shower (i have to force myself to keep up with all that. yeah, i know…).
If I die, nobody would care. If I die, I would have accomplished nothing.
What do I do? I’m so alone. And my life is shit.
14 comments
I read this and cried. I wish I had advice, but I’m sorry, because I don’t. I have faith that someone else coming after me will, though.
I just wanted you to know that someone read your post, and that you aren’t being ignored. I’ll be thinking about you tonight, if it means anything.
aww, thanks :]
Of course, best wishes.
Can you start off small? I too have accomplished nothing in my life.. I also was sandwiched in a car accident like 10yrs ago. My spine was and f’d up like i have disc problems. At first for a year or two i was on pills. Then i got sick of that. I thought this was my life forever. Really the only thing that helped was physical therapy. I did back exercises and walking were the only two things that helped. I had a boat load of other exercises. But the back and the walking helped the most
Can you just do some pt and walk around? Have you tried? Set tiny goals of pt? For the first few years I only did pt and pills. The just pt. All the time to eventually i was.. Able to sit down without being in excruciating pain. I stuck with the two things that worked for me. Back exercises and walking, be it to the corner. And a tough mind, tough on myself. Of the same damn boring things. Then i stopped the pills, and it was just the two things back and walking. To where i was able to bend, stand, walk, and lift. Then i got a job doing thise things approprietly, carefully bending and walking the right way. And still doing the two things. Now 8-10 years later. I do things. I walk i run, i still do the two things back exercises 20 times a day and walking. I work..well at the moment im unemployed. But i used to not be able to sit without being in pain. Some rainy days.. I do still hurt.. But i keep doing the same two damn boring things
I hope that helped. 10yrs ago I thought I was bed ridden forever. Now I still havn’t accomplished any degrees or certificates. No lifelong gfs or kids or even my own place. But I can go a whole day without being stuck in bed . I can sit down for more then two hours without being in pain. and now I am trying to get a good job. Find someone to love. Make a life.
I managed to do a lot of things in my life, BEFORE I got sick. That’s the kicker. I know I had potential. I could’ve done so many things, became accomplished in something, achieved something great. But I got sick too young, before I could really go do something big.
If I was an idiot, I would be okay, because I know that I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish much anyway. But to know that your life, your potential has been snuffed out before you even had a chance… -_-‘
No, my injuries has only gotten worse and worse over the years. It’s been steadily declining. Now my foot is even more fucked up (spine and other parts too). It just makes everything super hard to do, things that are supposed to be easy, isn’t for me. And I’ve not nobody to help me…because I have nobody that cares about me 🙁
Where you from bah? Im on the eastcoast of the us
west coast. tho i did grow up in the east coast.
Damn thats a long train ride away. I was hoping you would’ve said east coast. Where did you grow up in on the eastcoast. I’ve never been to the west coast. I always wanted to and someday i will. And im hoping sooner than later
Grew up in NYC. Am in Cali now. But I’ve lived all over. Before I got injured, I moved around a lot, lived in a lot of states, cities. NY, DC, VA, WV, MD, PA, SC, MO, AZ, CA. Wish I could just get up and go, but too hard for me physically to do now.
Damn im in PA all my life.
Eh, it’s fine if it’s “home.” I’ve never had a “home” so it didn’t matter where I go. There was nothing / no one for me to stay anywhere.
If I wasn’t injured, I’d travel to the places I haven’t been. Damnit. I haven’t been able to do anything since that day. 🙁
I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve this. Hugs.