It’s so funny how afraid of death I was as a little kid. I thought about it a lot. About people breaking into my house and shooting me, or breaking into my school and shooting me. About getting hit by a car or a well-stocked shopping cart. About getting struck by lightening or combusting spontaneously. Of dying on a roller coaster or in a fire or in a bad storm. I had a myriad of weird little fears like that. My parents were always so confounded by it. It crippled me for many of my primary-school years until I finally stopped obsessing over it.
Now, I think about death like a little kid thinks about the presents under the Christmas tree. With gratefulness. Adoration. Impatience.
that obsessive fear of death is something i went through massively too, when i was ten just had this terrible fear of nothingness, just haunted me for months. i had the same fears, i always thought someone was watching through the window to shoot me, if it was dark and i was alone id run scared that something was after me.
Now i feel the same as you, nothingness really doesn’t seem so bad, it feels welcoming
I’m sorry… I wish i gave useful.advice. What have I been saying to myself??? Its ‘death isn’t so bad’ 😉
Society sucks, how many times are people told the same shit over and over, which is: Go to college (and get into debt if you can’t afford repayments), get a job,get married, be a wage slave for 40+ years, have kids, grow old and die. Or was die meant to go earlier? Hehe
oh, and its a cold, harsh and horrible world. (i wish i could say its a wonderful world but its not) who sings that again? 😛
It could be that society sucks, or it could be merely that I do. I am physically unhealthy and weak, and therefore I am useless for labor. I am intelligent but my brain is confused and I know I will fail vet school. I always fail school. There’s always the seminary, but I am so spiritually sick. I do not feel that God has called me to teach.
All in all I am a useless eater in every sense of the word. Being a wage slave isn’t so bad if you enjoy your job. Unfortunately, all of the things that I enjoy(ed) doing are useless, and I will either luck out and manage to carve out a miserable living doing some meaningless unsteady job like the rest of my family, or, more likely, wind up sleeping in the park, dying a slow death via hypothermia or starvation.
I think Louis Armstrong sang that song. 🙂 I saw a really nice shadow puppet show to that song once.
ISHMAEL: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit – great book by Daniel Quinn
On page 5 of Ishmael, Quinn’s narrator explains why he could never quite accept the idea that all there is to life is to “get a job, make some money, work till you’re sixty, then move to Florida and die.” A lot of us have a hard time with that concept, even feeling that somewhere someone has lied to us about a few things, though we can never put a finger on just what. We instinctively feel that there must be something more than this, yet day in and day out we trudge off to take our part in this story. How else are we going to put food on the table and pay the bills? If we work hard enough, we tell ourselves, perhaps one day we can be one of the rich and famous.
^^ book excerpt – www (dot) friendsofishmael (dot) org/about/why_ishmael.shtml
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It’s so funny how afraid of death I was as a little kid. I thought about it a lot. About people breaking into my house and shooting me, or breaking into my school and shooting me. About getting hit by a car or a well-stocked shopping cart. About getting struck by lightening or combusting spontaneously. Of dying on a roller coaster or in a fire or in a bad storm. I had a myriad of weird little fears like that. My parents were always so confounded by it. It crippled me for many of my primary-school years until I finally stopped obsessing over it.
Now, I think about death like a little kid thinks about the presents under the Christmas tree. With gratefulness. Adoration. Impatience.
I don’t care how I sound right now. This is it.
that obsessive fear of death is something i went through massively too, when i was ten just had this terrible fear of nothingness, just haunted me for months. i had the same fears, i always thought someone was watching through the window to shoot me, if it was dark and i was alone id run scared that something was after me.
Now i feel the same as you, nothingness really doesn’t seem so bad, it feels welcoming
I actually don’t believe in a void after death. I believe in Heaven.
I didn’t always though. I’ve only believed in Heaven for like four years.
But yeah I get what you’re saying. The idea of nothing after death can be pretty darned comforting. Like a forever dreamless sleep.
I’m sorry… I wish i gave useful.advice. What have I been saying to myself??? Its ‘death isn’t so bad’ 😉
Society sucks, how many times are people told the same shit over and over, which is: Go to college (and get into debt if you can’t afford repayments), get a job,get married, be a wage slave for 40+ years, have kids, grow old and die. Or was die meant to go earlier? Hehe
oh, and its a cold, harsh and horrible world. (i wish i could say its a wonderful world but its not) who sings that again? 😛
It could be that society sucks, or it could be merely that I do. I am physically unhealthy and weak, and therefore I am useless for labor. I am intelligent but my brain is confused and I know I will fail vet school. I always fail school. There’s always the seminary, but I am so spiritually sick. I do not feel that God has called me to teach.
All in all I am a useless eater in every sense of the word. Being a wage slave isn’t so bad if you enjoy your job. Unfortunately, all of the things that I enjoy(ed) doing are useless, and I will either luck out and manage to carve out a miserable living doing some meaningless unsteady job like the rest of my family, or, more likely, wind up sleeping in the park, dying a slow death via hypothermia or starvation.
I think Louis Armstrong sang that song. 🙂 I saw a really nice shadow puppet show to that song once.
ISHMAEL: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit – great book by Daniel Quinn
On page 5 of Ishmael, Quinn’s narrator explains why he could never quite accept the idea that all there is to life is to “get a job, make some money, work till you’re sixty, then move to Florida and die.” A lot of us have a hard time with that concept, even feeling that somewhere someone has lied to us about a few things, though we can never put a finger on just what. We instinctively feel that there must be something more than this, yet day in and day out we trudge off to take our part in this story. How else are we going to put food on the table and pay the bills? If we work hard enough, we tell ourselves, perhaps one day we can be one of the rich and famous.
^^ book excerpt – www (dot) friendsofishmael (dot) org/about/why_ishmael.shtml
That sounds like a good book.