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Mental Illness

So I’m struggling with my bipolar currently. But I had an extremely severe allergic reaction (to the point where I nearly died confused, scared, and in pain) so I’m not looking at medication as an answer. But, currently I’ve been thinking about suicide. Just stepping outside in the below zero weather with no coat, and waiting. That may not be the best method, but it’s the one I’ve been fantasizing about.

I’m not sure if I should bring this up to my councilor though, since I am not actively seeking death. I just am fixated by it currently. I’ve been looking into the sea of trees. I would go there, if I were to go through with it. And as a broke college student that is a very unlikely trip.


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Hazy Day Sunflower 1/18/2016 - 10:18 pm

Bi-polar here headed into a down cycle. Totally get the non medicine route. Depends on your counselor truthfully. I had one that took everything I said in stride, and I said some fairly fucked up things up to and including hallucinating while driving in the rain on the way to my appointment, fantasizing about physically injuring people with knives and the irresistible urge to jump from high places. The ability to work out all these fantasies in a safe environment saved my life. But truthfully it comes down to how strong a trust relationship you have with your counselor.

lost.soul.hopeful.heart 1/18/2016 - 11:18 pm

Thanks, I’m glad someone understands. Yeah I had similar fantasies, especially when I was reading the JTHM comics. The one I have is pretty good, but I haven’t really gotten into my fantasies like that. We’ll see if I can get an appointment soon.

NiDDA 1/19/2016 - 3:22 am

I always wondered how people could commit suicide by hypothermia. I thinkI would chicken out the minute I feel cold.

lost.soul.hopeful.heart 1/19/2016 - 10:55 pm

It’s mostly so I have time to think if it’s what I truly honestly want, and that it’d leave my body pretty well in tact.

brokenandbent30 1/19/2016 - 6:58 pm

Everything feels wrong, wrong, wrong during this depressive episode of bipolar. All confidence gone. I lost who I am. I hate what’s left. I’ve been afraid to take my new medication because I’m scared of any side effects like you described. Sorry that happened.

lost.soul.hopeful.heart 1/19/2016 - 11:03 pm

Thanks, have you talked to your councilor/therapist about some of the fears you’ve had with taking the medication, and if maybe you could try following a non-medicated path if it makes you that uncomfortable? It’s not at all a bad thing to be hesitant when taking any sort of medication, so I’d be sure to have confidence in it before I started. At the same time, be aware I’m not any sort of expert. I won’t tell you that if you exercise daily and take x,y, and z vitamins that you’d be 100%, but I know a few people who are going without medication. They usually have a bi-weekly or monthly meetings with a councilor, exercise daily, and a few of them are taking CBD oil to help.
I hope your depressive episode gets better. It sucks when you as low as you seem to be. And I really hope that you can talk to whomever helps you with these things, and see if they can put your mind to rest or at least try a different method first.

brokenandbent30 1/20/2016 - 12:10 am

I have a therapy appointment soon. Thank you for your concern and I hope you speak to someone as well! You seem pretty cool. 🙂

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