New Years

instead of doing a new years resolution this year, i decided on somewhat of an ultimatum. i decided that if this year proves to be the same shit its been like in the past years, i’m not going to live anymore. i’ve wanted to kill myself for going on 3 years, and i’m finally giving myself a reason to do it. if this year turns out to show me that life is worth living, i wont kill myself. i doubt this year will show that, and i’ve started creating a rough outline of how i’ll do it. i shouldn’t be in this world, i hate it here and that hate grows every second. and i honestly don’t think much will prove in this year to show me that this world doesn’t hate me back. but i felt like i should share this somewhere. but i’m giving myself a year. one year that will either end finally with my suicide or actually enjoying my life more.