It’s been awhile since I’ve written here. Things have actually been looking up. I told my parents through my counsellor about my self harming and suicidal thoughts. They were surprised, but I wasn’t chewed out like I expected to be.
Anyway, I’d thought that things would change. But I realise that they really don’t get it. They still don’t get it and I give up. My parents talk about my cutting as though it were a joke, especially
my dad.
My parents seem to have told my brothers about it, and they make fun of my scars. I mean, it’s difficult to stop thinking about it, but so far I’ve managed ok. But then they bring it up, mocking my actions and saying stuff like ‘you’re cutting the wrong place’, ‘you should do it on your wrists’, ‘that’s not the correct way to do it’. They laugh and joke about it, and I just smile, but it hurts. And then I JUST START TO THINK AND I CANT STOP. So yeah. My mom doesn’t do shit about my brothers’ behaviour. She just sits there and adds her two cents.
My brothers are young. They don’t really understand these things yet, so it’s fine. But my mother is just- I don’t know really.
I’m slipping again, and I don’t know if I want to crawl back up this time.
2 comments
Well, id like to tell you that its gonna go away when you get older. But sadly id does not, or maybe thats just me. I never cut myself. I did attempt to kill myself couple of times. I guess what im trying to say is try to keep on going, at least until you can move out. It might change something. It didnt make it better for me. but it might work out for you.
I would imagine your parents are trying to make a joke out of it because, as you say, they don’t understand and think joking will stop you but it’s having the opposite effect. As things were looking up for you, don’t let this achievement go to waste, don’t let yourself slip back again but perhaps voice your concerns to your counsellor. If your counsellor is in contact with your parents perhaps he/she can help them, though you, to understand how you feel and start to offer you the compassion you need.