I don’t know what to do.
It’s all I ever think about .
It’s taken over my mind . And joy I have.
I am failing in everything that I do now.
People say I’m lazy , but I just don’t care .
The only think I look forward to is going back to sleep. I hate all the obligations that make me get up in the morning .
I feel like I’m going to go insane . I broke down yesterday but I feel it coming on today again .
I don’t know what to do anymore . I don’t have hope .
In so embarrassed for feeling this way . I feel like I made my life this way .
4 comments
“The only thing I look forward to is going back to sleep”.
I feel this way a lot, since I’m disabled and live with chronic pain on a daily basis.
When the pain meds don’t work, (which is often), I wish I could just sleep through everything and wake up in some other world where things didn’t hurt anymore.
Sometimes it helps if I just lay down and quietly meditate on the perfect world I would love to have… and I tell myself that as long as I can still imagine it, then at least it exists somewhere in my head. And if I died, then it would die too… which would be sad.
No I strongly believe that suicide is made not born with in. People that were and are in my life made me like this those people are very close in my heart even though they do not know how much they impacted me and I’m too damaged to forget about it. suicide is also my most fixated subject. I love to sleep and dream because it temporarily stops my pain. However I hope not give you an anxiety by saying this but I fear death by either going to hell or seeing complete dark.
I completely understand. My life has spiraled downwards for awhile, and I’m getting further and further behind in every area of my life. I don’t even know what I want out life anymore. What’s all the fighting for?
I can also empathize with just wanting to sleep. Sometimes the hope of getting to go back to sleep at the end of day is all that gets me through the day. Unfortunately, I’ve slept poorly for years. I’ve seen multiple doctors and tried various drugs and treatments, but I still barely sleep.
Nicole 🙁 I could not have agreed with a post more. I’ve always had to deal wth depression coming and going for years and I’ve had many suicidal episodes and thoughts and attempts in the past. 🙁 but for over a month now it’s all I think about. I want so bad for it to stop. For the sun to come back out and the emotional pain to go away again. I think this is the longest string of suicidal thoughts I’ve ever had. I’m bipolar so there’s usually a break in it after a few days a week at the most but it’s been the middle of December and I’m starting to lose it. I feel like I get closer and closer each day to going over the edge and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it because they’ll just think I’m trying to get attention and even if they didn’t they wouldn’t understand. Sometimes when the pain is really bad I forget to remember this and right now it doesn’t feel like it ever will… 🙁 but it always gets better right? The pain is just temporary and goes away eventually. I hope you start feeling better. It’s all I think about too right now and It’s not a good state of mind to be in yes sleep is the only place where I find relief right now too, but I’m not getting much of that these days..