To that point

On Wednesday it was Challenge Day.

I had turned in a permission slip so I was called down to the gym.

When I walked in I was terrified. I only knew one person in there and she had her own friends so it was like I was alone. Everyone sat in this big circle in the middle of the gym. I thought we would have to talk in front of everyone. I cringed every time they said we would play a game.

As time passed, (I was still scared but not as much) we were told to get in our assigned groups. In the beginning of that activity, they asked us to close our eyes and to see deep inside us. They asked who we were; what we’re made of. I tried to keep the tears in because right there, as I looked inside me, I saw darkness; emptiness; nothing. I saw nothing inside of me. No dreams. No hopes. Only emptiness.

We opened our eyes and we were asked to share something about ourselves. I was the second person to go. I shared what I went through and even though I said those words, there was still a weight on my chest. But even when I spoke, I didn’t cry.

Later on, we did ‘cross the line’. I crossed so many times. It was hard but I still did it. Towards the end I couldn’t hold it in anymore but regardless, I still tried to keep the tears in. My chest was so clogged up and it hurt; it burned. It’s the fact that even at that moment I was still trying to be strong.

At that moment I realized, I want to live.