I have Social Phobia ( aka social anxiety), I always been the shyiest guy in school, college,diferent jobs. Missed classes in college cause of it, quit jobs cause of conflit due to bad comunication with others. Been to many job interviews and failed because of being so nervous, that since 2010 I tought I have to quit life, didn’t know when or how, but had to.
So I just tried to meet new places and walk a lot, while also searching for ways of dying. All of them seem painful so I ended up thinking maybe I could just buy some syringes with a large width needle to drain blood quickly, and run it till the carothid arthery in the neck and do it’s job. It happened in 2013 ,couldn’t take it anymore, I pierced the syringe in about 8 diferente places and wouldn’t reach anything, no blood came out at all. I even tried the veins on the side of the neck that are clearly visible and couldn’t pierce them. So instantly and distressed I tought on dying of starvation and thirst because as I red, it only takes 3 to 5 days. It’s a lie. First time, I was at home, for 11 days without eating or drinking water, and instead drinking vodka and whiskey ( to dehidrate faster), and my parents showed up. I tried a second time months later, didn’t eat for 35 days, was about the first 10 days without water, and after that I would drink little bits of water every two or day and a half, because it’s so hard to resist. I would alucinate with drinkin every sort of very cold carbonated drinks, juices,eat fruits, going to a river fontain in a montain just to drink clear mineral water. At around day 30 I started vomiting gastric fluid(because the stomach was empty) and it burned all my throat,esophagus,and stomach.At that point every water I drank i would puke, I was at the end there. Then at day 35 my parents showed up.They took me to the hospital and I was interned and started taking psychiatric appointments .When I was out, I tried a third time. In this one I got a kidney stone for being so dehidrated, at about the 20th day, It was so painful and lasted for 3 straight hours that I tried to drink water to relieve, and it did. Afraid of another kidney stone and any other pains i quit it at day 34. Meanwhile this years I tried to hang myself many times with a rope tied on the pole of my bed, with my knees on the floor and my body falling foward. I would just get slightly unconscient, my left side started shaking a lot, but then all stops and i dont fall unconscient , I don’t know why. It is said to be a peaceful death despite the fact that your body suffers some serious convulsions, but you’re already unconscient.