This a postponed post to avoid my last post of shame.
If you are reading this there are 2 options:
1. I am dead.
2. I am hospitalized.
The first means that I had finally left the world, and succeeded in killing myself. How I did it? I can’t share even though I think it would help some of you. I know it is hard to understand what I mean by this kind of help, but sometimes there are situations when I think we can make an excuse and consider suicide as an only way out from our pain.
The second means that I was close and I will be back after they let me out, or give me my phone, or something, but I hope it will never happen.
Thank you for having me here, for reading my posts, for your comments, for you trying to keep me here (alive) and for your time.
I feel responsible for you, so I don’t want to fool you, if I can’t go through, I’ll back to report about me.
You people kept me going when I was in pain, and I could vent out my demons. Here I could be myself, here I didn’t have to wear a mask.
You are a very nice community.
Thank you.
Deadmanliving: Special thanks to you for talking to me. Please do not give up! As I told you, even if you took little steps to achieve your goals, you took those steps. You took steps! And it is important, you have hope. I wish you the very best from my heart.
Even though I was never a believer, I’m opening a door now, not completely opening it, but I quietly turn the key in the lock.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
I am on my knees in front of you, and I am begging you to forgive my sins.
Forgive me for every sin.
If I cannot be forgiven, then punish me.
Punish me for my sins.
And I am begging you to punish me for my loved ones’ sins too.
Please give them love.
Please give them hope.
Please give them peace.
Please give them happiness.
Please give them health.
Please look after them.
Please take away their sorrow and let me have it.
Please give them everything they have ever wanted and will ever want except of course having me back.
Amen.
Be good.
4 comments
NiDDA: I will be thinking the kindest thoughts possible. You should not have to shoulder or pay for sins in any way.
I hope things workout the way want them to dude hope u find peace either way I’m kind of new here but iv read some of your posts u r a very strong person like everyone else on here
I’ve come to realize just how treasured it can be to not have to fake oneself. You should always be able to be yourself. I hope whatever happens, you can be.
Please find your love
Please find your hope
Please find your peace
Please find your happiness
Please find your health
Please worry yourself with noone’s sorrow but your own.
Damn it you told me you had done this. I was praying something would stop you. I hope youre hospitalized. I know thats selfish. But its very sad to think of you as dead. I pray you find peace what ever the outcome is.