I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want to get to the punch line. I don’t want to live I hate rules or anyone telling me what I can and can’t do. I hate what misery people can cause others.. My moral fiber is highly debatable at times but I usually mean best unless I feel someones got it coming.. but I just can’t shake the fact that I want to die I’m even excited for it I dunno. Wether it’s healthy or not is besides the point… Mabey some of us are just like that…. nothings ever good enough or what we expect. I’m 27 I’ve thought like this since I was 4 since my earliest memories and I’ve never understood it.
I think the time is coming soon I don’t know if im going to last much longer, and to me that’s not sad it’s a relief. I’m done straining and trying, hurrying to meet deadlines or working to cheer people up its all tiring. If I have a soul Mabey it’s tired I don’t know… I don’t know what to think.
I wish I had answers on what the rest of my life would be like but looking at my life from a statistical point of view it’s only a matter of time before life turns around and slaps me in the face again. I don’t know if I can take another blow and I’d really like to end it with a smile on my face and Mabey that’s all I need.
Comfort in death. Being comfortable to die. Not to be bitter or sad about it… but just to be happy about it..
I don’t know if this helps you or not I wouldn’t wish harm on anyone.. I just wanted to share a perspective that’s all. Suicide doesn’t have to be sad or bad. As long as your happy with the choices you make that’s all that matters. You were given a life it’s up to you what you do with it.