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Full moons around the corner and my sleep is getting worse

getting angry, 45 days sober, on house arrest in the middle of nowhere, court in November, could be looking at jail again

But I’m not looking that far. I’ve set a date for my suicide, if I still feel like it in June I’m going to kill myself.

started working again. Forgot how much I hate the farm,  the hours suck, pay is horrible, work with a boss that hates me. Step dad’s suck balls. Real dads forgot about me.  Chronic pain, need a hip replacement.

Wish I wasn’t an alcoholic, a good drunk would be awesome right now but my conditions will all get worse if I want to do my favourite thing in the world to do.

Summer can’t come soon enough when days like today turn into weeks of depression. Love being bipolar.

What’s left to hope for? No wife or kids, couple friends left. Love em all and they love me. Wish they didn’t.  Kind of a downer when you want to kill yourself. Takes the fun out of it.

As you can probably tell, my mind was lost long ago, I’m stuck here trying to put back the pieces with what puzzle pieces I have left. Drugs and booze didn’t do this to me, I used to keep this part of me at bay. Just want to jump out of my skin

I’ll try and spread what love left I have to give before my time is up. To all the rest left fighting the fight, may you find peace. <3

 

Ps don’t use pills,  gave myself a pretty fuck ed up stomach for about a week

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3 comments

IzzyThePsycho 2/19/2016 - 10:44 pm

Please don’t kill yourself in June. My birthday is in June, I’ll be turning the lucky, lucky age of 13. I don’t want my birthday present to be the guilt of losing someone who means a lot to me, just like everyone on SP.

Cordless 2/19/2016 - 11:53 pm

45 days sober is still an awesome thing.
Seriously.
Awesome.

nepheliad 2/20/2016 - 12:01 am

At least you have some friends. Not all of us are that lucky.
Congrats on the sober streak. I went two months sober lately, it’s tough but it can be done.

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