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Fucking Assholes

by The White Rabbit

I love how you tell someone you’re getting over depression and they say, “Oh, one of those” and just stop talking to you. Yeah, that makes it sooooo much better. People are shit and there is nothing I’ve ever seen to make me think otherwise. The only times people even TRY to act like they care is when they are selfishly trying to feel like they are a “good” person.

I’ve been trying so fucking hard to get over being suicidal… I’m TRYING to keep it together… I’m TRYING to, even if I don’t have hope, LIVE at the very least. Yet I get more SHIT for that than anything else. I’m sick of it. I’m just… sick of it. Would anyone care if I blew my brain out? No. But I’m too much of a coward to do it anyhow so I’m stuck living this shitty life where the universe does nothing but tantalize and torture me. Was I some kind of fuck up glutton in my past life? Hell, even if I were, I’m not that person anymore so why torture ME for it!?

I honestly just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying to go to college, the fuckers won’t even call me back when they said they would. I’m trying to be a good person and all I get is treated like shit. I’m trying to get over my depression and all I get told is I need to be on FUCKING medication, by dipshits that don’t know the first fucking thing about depression or suicide or pharmaceuticals, or why I don’t WANT to use that shit! Why I don’t trust some other FUCKUP human with that kinda of thing! Psh, I guess they know more than I do at least. They get paid to make people feel certain ways, no matter what its doing to their bodies.

Doesn’t help that I had… just the shittiest dream the other night. The guy I’ve been trying to get out of my damned head popped into it. I was hosting some sort of rather mellow “get-together” with some people I knew, and invited him. Little did I know that later that night (still in the dream obviously) he’d pass me on the stairs walking up with some guy to go fuck in my room of all places. Why’d I dream this? Maybe its my brains way of trying to get over it and helping me realize that he’s not ever going to be with some ugly, insecure, naive, young, toothpick like me. Maybe its actually trying to help me get over him by making him, at least fictitiously, undesirable. I don’t know. I’m not a specialist in all matters dream related. I’m just some idiot who made the mistake of telling the guy he likes how he feels, only to have that drive him away.

Anyhow, as promised, an update on the fuel cell:

I FINALLY preformed the experiment after multiple delays, a leakage (of the cell, not me) and life interruptions. It produced gas! It worked. Not enough to get some gushing flame like I’d hoped, but just enough to get a little wisp of smoke to rise from the anode tube. Not much, but now I just need to construct electrodes with a greater surface area, and maybe we’ll be able to get to the 1ltr/pm output requirements to actually power something. I suppose there’s no need to hide that its a hydrogen fuel cell at this point. I mean its nothing that anyone couldn’t build in their garage, or even in their apartment if they wanted too. But… it does take a lot to ensure you don’t blow up a battery all over yourself. And yet, through all of my mental bullshit, I’ve still been able to get up every morning and crack on building that cell. Lets just hope my gumption keeps up with the ever increasing requirements.

Ugh… and my wisdom teeth are coming in as well. Fun fun. Lets just hope they don’t come in crooked or crack like my father’s did at my age.

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StayOrGo 2/6/2016 - 12:35 pm

Reactions of others about depression can be extremely annoying.
Yes, Yes, Yes …. “The only times people even TRY to act like they care is when they are selfishly trying to feel like they are a “good” person.”

Congratulations on success with your fuel cell, and on continued achievement with your studies.

About your wisdom teeth erupting – – if you have pain, you can use ground cloves as a natural anesthetic. A few years ago, I had eruption of a 5th wisdom tooth. It was very painful and I wanted pain relief for the weekend until I could see a dentist. I found a remedy that worked and it is supported by a scientific study.

The effect of clove and benzocaine versus placebo as topical anesthetics.
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16530911

I emptied a tea bag and then put a small amount of ground cloves in the tea bag. I then put the tea bag inside the back of my mouth, closed my mouth, clenched my teeth, and compressed the clove bag over the erupting tooth. Within 5 minutes, the intense pain had subsided significantly.

Use ground cloves. Clove oil is too potent and will burn. I know it will burn because I tried it. After the ground cloves worked so well, I thought the potency of the clove oil would work even better. Wrong.

The White Rabbit 2/7/2016 - 2:55 am

Thanks, I’ll try that Clove thing. It hurts like hell so I’ll try anything at this point.

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