Hey folks, there’s a girl.

I know, I know, big fuckin’ surprise coming from me. Not like I’ve posted stuff about a few different girls a few billion times the past year or so. Honestly it’s getting stale isn’t it? ‘Course I spice it up with a bit of shitty writing chucked in there too, but mostly it’s girls, girls, girls. Where’s the depression, the suicide, the goddamn anxiety!? If I felt like being a smartass I’d say it’s all in my head, and that’d be true enough, but on the subject of me being slightly off topic of what this site has set out to do, it’s hidden in between the lines. I’m not okay, not in the least damned bit. I don’t know, maybe I’m searching these girls out because I need somebody, anybody to act as my anchoring point, or to feed my over-inflated ego. Whatever the case, they’ve collectively caused me a lot of pain and heartache. Well, the majority of them. Meaning the two that damaged the living fuck out of me. They’d be my lovely ex, who forced me to abandon my best friend, who I treated as a sister, because I texted her too much, and I said I love her. Now, I don’t know about you friendly folks, but for me when a girl starts calling you “brother” any chance of a relationship is flipping you the bird as it sails away on the  SS Go Fuck Yourself. The other one, well I was never in a relationship with her, not for lack of trying of course. Goddamn did I try, I get an A for effort, and a gold star. Thing is, I tried to hard. My stupid compulsive disorder said, “Hey, you know this girl that’s basically your only friend in the world, and you know how liking her would probably fuck the entire relationship up? Well now you’re obsessed with her. Have fun blowing up her phone.” Turns out she doesn’t like it when guys make non-reciprocated advances on her. To continue on with whatever purpose this post serves in my mind, this is about the most recent girly girl that I’ve written about. Some of you lovely folks may have read my previous post, which was something I wrote for her. Sorry about that, probably could’ve done better. Anyways, she’s the first one since my ex that’s liked me back. Ain’t that a kick in the head? Any of you who listen to older music get that reference, or if you’ve ever played Fallout New Vegas you get it. She’s also the first girl that I share 90% of my personality with. We’re interested in all of the same things, and hey, and we both have this lovely little disorder that humanity has collectively labelled depression. Thing is, she’s made me feel alive again, because I’ve been going through this lovely little gray area where each day melted into the next until time lost all meaning. Thing about being alive is that it makes me fuck up. Well, if you want to take correlation as causation that is. Every single time in my life I’ve felt alive, I quickly fucked it up in the most efficient and sometimes astounding manner that I could. Now this girl, she doesn’t deserve to get caught up in my, if you’ll forgive the pun/reference, fallout. She’s absolutely wonderful, talented, she’s beautiful, and to my surprise, bi. Didja see that ‘un comin’? I sure as hell didn’t. I don’t mind, for Christ’s sake I have a gay uncle, just never thought I’d run into somebody that was bi that actually liked me. Sorry for getting off on that tangent there, mind don’t work good at a quarter till three in the morning. You see what I mean though, right? That if she stays with me, she’s going to get hurt . And I don’t want to do that to her.

Thanks to my mom, couldn’t have done it if you hadn’t given birth to me. My dad, for reasons too graphic for young eyes/ears. For Hazy, Rocketman, and Sammi6xoxo, you guys’re the best (swear upon my mother’s name I’m not drunk, I’ll leave that for Rocketman). And thank you, dear readers, hope you got a chuckle out of this, and maybe you could relate to it. I dunno, hope you found something you wanted in it. Well, goodnight SP, this particular dickhead needs his beauty sleep.