My Addiction

I have been there..exactly where you are. And in some respect I am still there to some degree. Only I have gotten much better and I am making progress. There were years of my life where I was convinced that I wanted to die and that death was the only solution for my situation.. and I really did want to die. I had several suicide attempts during those years and each one was more severe then the previous one. I almost died a number of times and its a miracle I even lived through all of what I did to myself. The times when I was suicidal I had EVERYTHING AGAINST ME! I had a painful disability, bills I could not pay, nobody to turn to, endless suffering day after day, deep depression and so forth and it all just seemed hopeless.
But well after my last suicide attempt things started to get better and some doors opened up in life for me and I gained some HOPE> Now things are much better and I am happy to be alive most of the time. I still do wrestle with depression and suicidal thoughts occasionally however I am much better and really thankful for my life and I am inching my way toward accomplishing positive things with my life and things are getting better. You have to believe things can get better because they can. Things dont always get solved over night or in one swoop but little by little so long as you re making and effort to get better you can inch your way toward a better life.
Trust me things wont always be as hard on you as they are now. Try to develop some positive goals or yourself and inch your way toward them each day and believe you can get there eventually. You will start to see things get better. Life moves in the direction of our thoughts and our actions. If you dwell on negative thoughts our lives move in a negative direction, if you dwell upon positive goals and steps you need to make to achieve those goals then our life will start to move in that positive direction.