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My plan

by Moneypenny

So I stoped talking to my parents if I can avoid it. I am going through that idea of geting my emotional independence, so if one day I do decide to put an end to this whole thing then they will be used to not having me around.

I am in a period of time when I am all alone again. My friends left the country (mine is one of those countries you always want to leave) and they are organizing their own lives. Good for them.

I was thinking that maybe this is how life is supposed to be : you grow up and learn you can’t have all you wanted, that humans are lonely beings and that rutine and monotony are just a part of living. So you live with this little ackward feeling that disguises itself to pretend to be a void in your chest, but that is actually made of all your disappointments shouting at the same time.

I have this feeling, like there is this one part of my head I just can’t reach. Maybe there is where my sanity lies.

I am sad today, not depressed, just really sad. I wish someday I can just sit with someone and talk and breath. Not worrying about the moment he or she has to leave, and not knowing they actually want to be somewhere else. I just want to spend a moment with someone that may really want to be with me.


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ToTrees 2/13/2016 - 1:52 pm

I’m kinda greedy, I need like 4 moments.

I’m proud you are learning independence, so what country is it that everyone wants to leave? Do remember that lonely is a feeling. So look up at the same sky I see and know we are looking together.

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 2:33 pm

Hey, that’s beautiful šŸ™‚
I am greedier, I want one, but the one i want is this is one eternal moment hehe.
I am from Colombia.

ToTrees 2/13/2016 - 2:58 pm

Ahh yes….. That one moment, made up of so many little awkward pauses, where all of time stops, Our eyes meet. There’s a sense warmth as we step on each other twirling across times dance floor.

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 3:50 pm

Hahaha silly right
No, I was just saying. I am not all that romantic. You are right maybe a couple of moments is more than enough.
I guess i am just talking about trust.

ToTrees 2/13/2016 - 5:30 pm

You can Trust me I’m a man course I lie, but I’m not lying to you now.


Trust is a life requirement in my world.

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 5:37 pm

The trust to know that even if the other person lies, or walks away for a while or even is that person is with someone else, he/she cares for you, and will be there to answer when you call out. That even if he/she makes a mistake or if he/she needs a time off, that person won’t stop wanting you to be ok.

muspelhem 2/13/2016 - 2:05 pm

Aw Moneypenny, that’s not how life is supposed to be. Of course it has its ups and downs, but you’re not supposed to be lonely like that.

What do you need?

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 2:37 pm

Isn’t it? Because that idea keeps returning to me.
I was thinking I need respect I guess, that’s what people say.
But I actually need a thousand hugs, or something like that… that’s what I need if you ask me… But it sound kind of cheesy… it’s a shame it does.

muspelhem 2/13/2016 - 2:54 pm

It doesn’t sound cheesy at all. I could do with a thousand hugs myself.

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 4:07 pm

It shouldn’t be all that hard to get them, should it?

muspelhem 2/13/2016 - 5:37 pm

I don’t know. Should it?

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 5:42 pm

You sound like a really nice guy. Think you can get them for sure

Hazy Day Sunflower 2/13/2016 - 5:44 pm

@muspelh: you fail to see your own worth my friend. A worth that is unimaginable.

muspelhem 2/13/2016 - 6:20 pm

Thanks Moneypenny. And you sound like a really nice woman šŸ™‚

Thanks HDS. That is some compliment lol šŸ™‚ You’re very kind. I always feel comforted on SP when I see your username pop up.

Alan Ominous 2/13/2016 - 2:39 pm

MP, the world really preaches optimism. That kind of sucks, if you shoot for the stars, more often than not, you’re going to fail. It seems you may be a pessimist, always seeing the down side. That leaves you pleasantly surprised when things do work out. I’m thinking your frustration, is from being a pessimist in an optimistic world. Make sense? Kind of like the matrix, we’ve been unplugged.

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 3:55 pm

Curiously those are my real initials, I hadn’t notice it.
Then maybe I just shouldn’t aim to the stars nor should I keep looking down… is it possible to get some balance?

Ylem31 2/13/2016 - 3:15 pm

Moneypenny, really glad you’re trying to find yourself in this world. I hope you find that special someone you are looking for. The one you can breathe and talk to and won’t leave you.

*here’s one virtual hug from me, hope it counts for something. 999 more to go* šŸ™‚

Just came to the realization that I’ll be alone the rest of my life. I’m not really content with it as of yet. Need to learn to accept it. Probably the reason I don’t want to leave my family and be independent. I will truly be alone if I do. No one wants to be around someone as fucked up as me. My family can’t get rid of me even if they wanted to. I’m just waiting for them to find their footing in the world, build their own families and leave me. That will be the time things end for me.

Moneypenny 2/13/2016 - 4:06 pm

Thanks for that hug šŸ™‚ it does help.
And, if you do really think I may have a chance, I do also think you do. Life is still spinning round and round.
I am a little out of words today.
But hey, I can send you a hug back šŸ™‚

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