I’ve lived anything but a normal life & I just turned 20. My parents were both abused. My dad was physically beaten by his father. My mother was raped many times during her childhood by her step dad. My parents hooked up (drunk) at a party & 9 months later I was born. I am a bastard. My parents got married when I was 3. My mom was addicted to crack until I was in kindergarten. My dad physically & emotionally abused her until she left him (moved out) when I was in 7th grade. My mom stayed with him that long because she wanted me to have a father. They offical got divorced when I was 16. I moved around a lot as a kid. I went to quite a few different elementary & middle schools. I went to 3 high schools & barely graduated. It was hard always having to make new friends & I never really fit in anywhere. Most of my childhood was one week with my mom then the next with my dad. They both always talked poorly of each other. They would try to bribe me to get me to tell the guardian ad litem/the court that I’d rather live with one over the other. They mostly did this to try to get a phynacial gain over the other one. I never picked a side until they official got divorced. When I turned 16 I refused to go by my dad & spent the rest of high school with my mom. It was hard for me watching my mom date guys because a lot of them tried to be a father figure. I treated them all terribly. I got heavy into drugs (mostly weed) as a coping mechanism. I never had much as far as possessions. My mom struggled to support us when I was in highschool & filled for bankruptcy. The day after I graduated highschool I found my mother dead in her room, she overdosed on pills. Her suicide note pretty much said it was my fault. I hurt her because I was reblious & wasn’t a Christian like she was. My uncle (moms brother) took me in after that. Soon after her death I dated this girl named Amber. She moved in with me & my uncle a few months into our relationship. I needed someone to fill the hole in my heart that my mother had left. I caught her cheating on me & shooting up heroin. A few days before Christmas I decided to kill myself. I was slitting my wrist when Amber walked in. Before she called the cops I told her I was done with her. So she told the cops I tried to strangle her then kill myself. I now have felonies on my record for things I never did. After I got out of jail I found out my aunt (moms sister) took about half of my moms life insurance money & she refuses to give be it back. I took the other half & got my own apartment with Amber. I was dumb & legally wasn’t even supposed to see her. She said she was sorry for what she did & promised to change. I felt all alone & my family made me an outcast because I was upset at my aunt about the money. They backed my aunt because she gave some of the money to them. Amber didn’t change. She stole most of the money I had gotten from the life insurance & totaled my car drunk. She also regularly physically hit me. I caught her doing heroin & I walked in on her cheating with a guy in my bed. I told her to get out & she called the cops. I wasn’t supposed to see her so I went to jail again. I was kicked out of my apartment & it was given to her. I paid two years rent on it ($15,000) & she still lives there rent free, even to this day. All my earthly possessions were in there. When I got out of jail I literally had nothing but the clothes on my back. I spent the next 8 months moving from friends house to friends house. I still don’t know how I survived on so little food. A few months ago I found out my mother had work insurance ($55,000). My aunt had hidden it from me. I got ahold of it. I bought a car, paid 6 months rent on an apartment, bought furnature & rebought some of my possessions. I’m currently living off the last few thousand dollars from that money. I got into a car accident recently & had to pay a lot of money out of pocket. So I don’t have much of that money left. I live with my new girlfriend but I have major trust issues. I don’t know what to think after going through her phone & seeing guys (some of them old boyfriends) asking to go out with her. Shes never mentioned anything about guys messaging her & it really bothers me. Especially because she freaks out if any girl messages me. I’m have 3 years of probation for something I didn’t do. With felonies on my record at my age it’s almost impossible to get a job. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety & depression. I tried to take prescribed pills but even after months of taking them, they only make everything worse. I’m an outcast from my family & have only a few friends. I only really see my girl & I have major trust issues with her. I’ve been “drug free” (weed) since the start of my probation 6 months ago. I’ve contemplated suicide more times than I can count since my mom died. I’m still severely depressed & feel alone. I just turned 20 about a week ago. I feel alone, confused & completely lost. I’m not currently suicidal but I have very little hope for my future. I just recently joined this site to vent & hopefully help out others who have had a rough life. If anyone actually read all this, thank you for taking your time to hear my story.
6 comments
Wow, you have been through a lot. Don’t lose hope. You are still young. My sister and her fiancé are both convicted felons (for really stupid shit) and now they have a baby together and are really happy. Life is tough but they are making ends meet. All is not lost. Life is full of ups and downs but you deserve better and I believe it’s within your reach.
I read it. And yes, you’ve been through a lot. But you are strong and you have being doing better than I could have ever done. Keep on going, you are really capable of facing life, and I do also belive things may become better for you if you keep on going…
You seem like a nice person.
It hurts to read about all of the bullshit you went through. It hurts more that you are around my age, I turned 20 in October..
You are so strong, and I hope you can continue to push and fight for a better life.
Rough life you’ve had. And everything currently seems very unstable for you. It is totally unjust that you have a felony record because of a lie.
I’m curious to know what type of job you have had. Most U.S cities have job placement assistance for felons. Your probation officer should be able to inform you of resources.
Welcome to SP.
I previously worked doing home remodeling for a small family owned business until they went out of business. Everyone joined the Union.
WOW YOU ARE AMAZING, and I mean that.
Why because you are amazingly super strong to have survived all that
and you still have a will to keep going.
You have skills and intelligence and an amazingly forgiving heart that millions of people don’t have. You are truly a special unique individual with amazing courage and strength to have survived all that.
You need to realise just how wonderful you are.
As for trust issues – Do not let your past determine your future.
I advise you to write that on a big piece of paper and stick it on a wall somewhere. If she’s going to cheat on you, she’s going to cheat on you.
That is not determined by how much or how little trust you have – its just life,
as you have already experienced so much beyond your control in your life, take the same approach. If you give her the love and attention she needs, there is no reason for her to stray – simple as that. And if she does well then she was never right for you and you deserved better.
You deserve gold, a medal, all the riches, everything you can imagine should be yours for being the survivor that you are.
You could do so much good in this world from sharing your story with others and showing them – YES YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS – I am living proof of this.
Sometimes this is why life gives us these challenges so that we can have the compassion and understanding to help others through a shit upbringing.
Get involved with a youth centre, tell your story, give hope and strength to other kids having a hard time at home. This is your purpose. This is why you are still here. I hope this resonates with you as it would be a shame to waste the gift you have been given as a result of the life you have lived.
Thank you for sharing your story