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nobody is obligated to do anything for me.

by ShortOne

i just survived one of the worst times in my life. i was happy, i had friends, and i threw it all away for a manipulative asshole. i’m usually dissapointed in myself anyways but as of right now ive never hated my guts as much as i do now.

i cant beleive i let something like that slip away from me. i cant beleive i betrayed a friend, rationalizing, thinking everything would be okay. i still cant beleive how much of an idiot i am.

i feel so bad when anyone has to be around me. i feel fucking awful when people  get close to me. all i do is hurt people. i secretly want to push away all of my friends away. that way theyre safe from me. god idk why people keep forgiving me. i shouldve died years ago.

idk i really dont want things to be as bad as they were before, even though i deserve it. im going to try and commit myself to an art project. some commision works of some of my pain. (like they even deserve to be expressed i hate myself too im sorry) ill be posting them on here.

but idk im thinking of just taking a huge break from everyone. as painful as it sounds. (the voice in my head just screamed you deserve it you piece of shit when i wrote this) i need time to recover and better myself. its weird though i dont know how im gonna manage alone when i dont even beleive i deserve to live.

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Cordless 2/27/2016 - 10:26 pm

I like the idea of the art project!

I would love to see that. 😮
What kind of art do you enjoy making?

ShortOne 2/27/2016 - 10:31 pm

ah thank you!

i pretty much enjoy anything honestly. although ive been really into watercolors latley, and i like making body art a lot. what is your prefered medium? @cordless

Cordless 2/27/2016 - 10:37 pm

My preferred medium is music.
I really enjoy composing.

A few days ago I posted something I wrote.
Here, stick three w’s and a dot in front of this…
suicideproject.org/2016/02/lets-just-pretend-this-works/

Moneypenny 2/27/2016 - 10:42 pm

Ohhh watercolors are beautiful, I hadn’t work with them, but I do gouache. I was just watching watercolors reviews on YouTube and now I want to get the ‘white night’ brand. What brand do you use? And what paper? And what kind of images do you like?

ShortOne 2/27/2016 - 10:51 pm

i dont have mine with me right now and i couldnt tell you off the top of my head, sorry @moneypenny i mainly use render paper for sketches and concepts, and carson sketchbooks for watercolor pieces. also by images do you mean like what type of art do i like looking at? im sorry im a bit tired so it might take me a second to catch on to things.

ShortOne 2/27/2016 - 10:46 pm

wow i just listened to it and it was wonderul! i almost cried im such a sucker for good sad music. (dont judge im emotional rn)

i play around with the piano at home but the little tunes i create are far from yours, i admire your skills as a musician. @cordless

Cordless 2/27/2016 - 10:47 pm

I would love to be able to paint.
It’s amazing when someone can create inspiring things with colors and imagination.

I tried painting a few things (many years ago), but music is still my favorite way to express thoughts that can’t be put into words. 🙂

ShortOne 2/27/2016 - 10:52 pm

well im very glad you found such a lovely way to express yourself. music is one of my absolute favorites i agree.

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