(I apologize in advance for any spelling errors, I suck at using a touchscreen)
Ok, well my story is probably nothing special, I just need to get this out somehow, but as you can probably tell I have suicidal depression. Their really isn’t much bad about my life, I just really hate myself, I literally (actual literally, not figuratively literally) have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I hate my personality, I hate my gender, I hate that I’m asexual, I’m 16 and I watch My Little Pony, I’m incredibly stupid, I hate how I look so much that I can’t stand looking in a mirror and I have absolutely no talents. I’m completely useless, when I’m not in school all I do is sit at my computer playing video games or fruitlessly trying to get better at drawing. Nobody knows how I feel except my parents, I think, I try my best to act normal all the time, and I’m usually ok at it. The only time I revealed my depression was when my cat died and I just blew up and took it out on my step dad. After I screamed at him I felt horrible and told him I was suicidal and that I needed help. That was 2 years ago, and I think they forgot because help hasn’t come. Most interactions with my parents are negative, its either them telling me to do something or them getting pissed at me, I feel really sorry for them that they have such a awful child and I think they would be happier if I was gone. I’m really not sure who would miss me besides my grandparents, I don’t think my few friends would care that much because we’re just friends, and my little sister (who is the person I care about the most) is only 2 so I don’t think she can care or know if I died. But In conclusion (YAY!) I just feel like a waste of space and that I’d be doing the world a favour by just disappearing.
53 comments
No one owes “the world” anything, and everyone’s story is special. Why do you say your efforts at drawing are fruitless, though?
It just seems like the more I try the worse I get.
I think trying to better yourself in something comes with at least some feeling of not being satisfied with where you are in it. Trying to figure out when I should be trusting what I think is something I sometimes feel is fruitless. I don’t hear very often that practice makes worse, though.
I just want to say, there is NOTHING wrong with watching MLP. Fluttershy *said in my fluttershy voice YAY* and Rainbow Dash *said in my RD voice are AWESOME!*
The fact that it entertains me and that I do fan art just makes me cringe at myself, and my step dad was just so disappointed when he caught me watching it, his expression looked as if he found a bunch or rotting corpses under my floor boards.
Tell him he needs to find his inner child, that show is FUUUNNNY and I’m in my 30s. I love that show. I love the original back in my day…the 80s dun dun duuuuuun!
I’m sorry he i being a douche. sadly the world wants to make us what they want and not what we want. Be yourself and do what makes you happy. so long as its not honestly hurting anyone else…like abuse etc then who care. I know, I know, easier said than done….
See, this is why I have stayed quiet for so long…I can’t even fix my own crap how can I help someone else.
Seriously, though….live your life, its so very short no matter which way you slice it. Try and enjoy it and live in the moment. You never know what is around the corner or right above you.
Is there something you ought to be, and would rather be, watching or drawing instead? There’s no reason to beat yourself up over your own interests, especially something so innocuous.
And btw, if I could have an Alcorn, I totally would. It would look like Nightmare moon…oh yeah!
hehe, same here…
I would love to see some of your art if you care to share….
We can have nightmare moon twin alcorns!!!!
You probably won’t like it, I know I don’t, not much here anyway.
http://pumpkinmaker.deviantart.com/
Nice 😀
Sassy! You should definitely keep at it, especially if it helps you not feel like a piece of shit.
hehe, well so far it’s not working
That is really good!!!! I am very impressed, I love it actually!
You could work for them!!! Seriously. don’t sell yourself short you talent. Honest.
Thank you so much for sharing.
The profile pic was made by my cousin, no of my stuff is coloured
Yes that’s right nobody owes the world anything, you are not stupid and useless. Look at that art 😉
seems like you are in a toxic environment maybe…
I do not have any talents. I pretend that i can do art and sing but I’m pathetic
My environment is fine, I’m just a spoiled brat, my parents aren’t bad or anything and the worst thing that has happened lately was a Valentine’s Day card telling me to kill myself. It’s just that I’m horrible.
omg that is awful!!!!!!@card WTF thats not even funny what is wrong with ppl?
And I still love all your stuff…its wicked.
What the fuck…
You don’t seem spoiled to me.
It didn’t affect me that much, I can’t feel worse than I already do
Still that is not the point…..that is just…messed up. Want me to take my shoe upside their head? I will if you like. I have another 30 mins to spare. 😀 lol
Violence is never the answer lel, also do you live in Europe or something because I don’t think I’t time to go to work anywhere on this continent
I am in MX right now on “vacation”…traveled through Europe a lot though. Great place, lots of wonderful ppl.
Maybe I’ll get my butt to Europe some day… never. I have to see the northern lights in real life :/
They are and they are beautiful. I hope you get there one day.
Your name makes me think of rainbow coloured twix bars. Don’t know why
now that is cool.
How can anyone be so horrible with that card
PPL are twisted
I was more offended by the fact that it had minions on it
Minions are fine, its just what the person wrote on it
Now we can’t have that@minions. They are so cute you can’t violate them that way.
What they said ^^
You can at least count on being a far better person than anyone who would send a card like that.
And what they said ^^ put my comment under the wrong one
I dunno, they probably have more friends
What matters is the quality of friends, not the quantity
Bulldoze the world…
I don’t know why people treat you badly. I fail to see how you are a spoiled brat. These people suck
I’m just not a nice person, I deserved that card anyway, unlike most of the things I do have, that’s why I’m a spoiled brat
You didn’t deserve it..
I deserve every bad thing that happens to me
I don’t think you do, but that’s just my opinion
Alot of people are treated like shit. It doesn’t mean they are bad. It means the people treating them badly are bad
Hey such catcat I have an idea for you. It really stood out to me that you spend time trying to get better at drawing, that is huge!! I wish I used my free time to try to improve at anything. You say you never get better at it and I believe you but there might be jobs out there you’ve never thought of that your interest in drawing is all you need to start. If you play video games then you will be a quick learner of Revit (drawing buildings), Mapinfo (drawing maps), Adobe Photoshop (doing creative things with photos), Abrosoft FantaMorph Pro (animation), Multimedia Fusion, or Maya (design computer games). I don’t know much about these, $$ or prerequisites like Java. But just start googling these and see if there’s a free download, or take a class (where they will give you the download). These will take hard work to master but if you do, you will be able to get a high-paying job that you love, since you like to draw.
And I looked at your drawings, they remind me of my son, same age as you, who spends a lot of time drawing Pokemon and dragons. He’s also into video games. I know he is depressed because of my divorce from his dad (and because his dad is mean to him) but I wish he would just tell me so. Instead he doesn’t talk to me. Maybe you should tell your mom or dad (whichever one you are closest to) how down you feel. If you tell them you are thinking of suicide, be sure to mention that you wouldn’t actually do it. That will scare them and they might overreact. And as for friends, you only need one friend and it could be a relative. If you envy people who have tons of friends, don’t worry, you don’t need that. Many friends is not a measure of somebody’s value as a person, it just means they spread themselves thinner with each friend. Popularity is for people with social energy, fine for them but not necessary for you. You need to tap into your own kind of energy. And lastly I would say that anti-depressants do work, Zoloft and the like, because depression has a scientific, biological basis. Your brain is not working effectively and is clouded by emotion.
Hi Such…
Well I have some different oppinion from what has been said here… do you feel you are overprotected? Or are you free to go out and spend time wherever you want?
I think you are ok right now, but I also think it is important for you to open yourself a little more to the world… the bad thing here is not the fact that you like MLP, In fact there is nothing wrong with you at all, but it is important that this is not the only thing you should focus on.
Try getting to know more about the things you like. Try learning about fantasy if you like fantasy. Try drawing other kind of alicorns too, maybe horses, maybe fairies, open your world a little more, you are in the right age to start exploring. Don’t hide, don’t enclose yourself at home. There are going to be a lot of things you will have to start facing from now on and the better way to do it is by your own will.
Investigate over new themes related to the ones you already like. It is going to be great.
Don’t stay in you comfort zone, go out of it, little by little, but please do come out… the comfort zone is going to make you feel bad for yourself because you will think you are not capable of changing, while all you need to do is to take little steps out of it. Nice steps
Good morning such catcat. I’m just reading this. I’d love to hear more about how much you love drawing fan art. Like anything else in life do what you love and fly your middle finger at the haters. Haters are always going to hate. That card you got is awful. You must have grown up in my town. People thought nothing of doing that sort of thing. Keep walking forward. If it helps any I am testimony to coming out the other side in one piece. I did it by just walking forward and staying true to who I was.
Which gender would you rather be? There are quite a few Trans people on here and just as many people who support gender fluidity. It is a lie that you need to be anything aside from what makes you feel comfortable with who you are inside.
We’ll fireside chat is over. I will leave you with this thought. No matter what people including your parents thinks, there are people in this world who will accept you got who you are. They are never who you want, but they are always who you need.
*accept you for who you are. Auto correct hell.
Hey, sorry I haven’t been responding, it’s a snow day so I slept in, thanks for trying to make me feel better.
I can relate to a good amount of this.. No talents, completely useless. Games a lot.. Feeling lke a waste of space/time/energy.
“There really isn’t much bad about my life, I just hate myself.”
Maybe we can talk about games we like..
I like a lot of nintendo games, mostly action adventure stuff, and some puzzle games…. I like lots of video games…