I feel terrible for pushing him away; for the way I push and shove and keep him at a distance.
I’ve done this dozens of times. He won’t let me do it to him, he says. I laugh because they all say that.
I self-destruct. I don’t know what to do with my pain, and so I turn it back on myself. I make them leave, then I tell myself I deserved it, that it was bound to happen.
It’s been three months. Three months of calling me beautiful, inside and out. From stopping my wounds from bleeding out with his bare hands. Telling me he can handle what I throw at him, that he’s not leaving no matter how much my subconscious tells him to.
He has his own troubles. I feel selfish. He’s dealing with more than me. I’m so scared that he’ll look at me and see that truly, I am not worth it.
I want him desperately.
2 comments
WOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW.
YOU.
ARE.
ABSOLUTELY.
THE.
GREATEST.
PERSON.
I HAVE ENCOUNTERED.
ON SP,
PERSONALLY.
WOW.
LET ME TELL YOU,
IF “SELF-DESTRUCT,” IS MEANT FOR ANYONE, ITS PRACTICALLY IN MY NAME.
I’ve spent endless nights wandering on SP, like a lonely, depressed fool with no friends.
Your words, “self-destruct.”
Those are words of perfection.
I found, through reading your post, I gained some insight on myself.
I hope you take time with me to chat,
You’re possibly the first person I feel a STRONG connection with online.
Please, if we can contact through email?
That would be the very first friend that I’d have in a long time, that be able to relate on a very emotional and personal level.
I’m very glad I stumbled on your post.
I hope we talk 🙂
Sure,