Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:
Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.
And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up on one at some point….IDK…..ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYWHOOOOO……
Have you honest ever really felt numb? I mean so much so that nothing and I mean nothing even brings pain? I have found over the past week that I am no soulless and I am perfectly okay with that, I actually like it….if I am honest.
I’ve been thinking over things that would normally bring me to tears and yet….nothing…nadda….I am just….well, I am just. Simple as that. Granted, I am tipsy not drunk…god how I do wish…lol God….hehehe….how many on here can laugh at that one?
Again…..I am totally numb so much so, that I actually sliced and diced myself up earlier and felt….you guessed it, nothing. I like this. This is what I think being human is. I think all those other little M*F*kers out there is human. I think the people that honestly feel, find pain in places they never knew…we are the “special” ones. the ones born in the wrong place wrong galaxy, wrong time. And now, I guess, I have joined the humans……interesting….isn’t it? Or do I only think that due to my rum that was once in the shot glass before me?
………………..
Either way….I am going to join the party….for awhile…then retire to my room for a nice “nap” lol and wake before the sunrises for coffee. My last day is coming, I am so very excited and yet…I am just that calm.
Have a goodnight SP. We are one. We are the choosen, whether we like it or not.
5 comments
Like I exist instead of live? Like I can’t bring myself to feel anything? Like I’m not a person since I don’t have a personality? I can admit to wanting to and thinking I should feel something akin to anguish because of that. I can admit to setting days aside for attempting to cry and being wholly unable to. Not sure if that’s the same type of numbness. In it’s own indescribable way it still hurts me greatly. Then again, maybe I’m just thinking it should.
Not only like you exist instead of live but you actually have no emotion within yourself any longer. For instance, say you were reading a tragic story or saw someone fall down and hurt themselves and you actually felt nothing in any sort.
I guess, in the end it’s all relative but I wonder because that is how I feel now. Numb. I have no real emotion. I can’t even find sadness. And pain means nothing to me…..say be it for my arm and what I did to it just to see if I could feel. I felt…nothing.
In the end, sadly, it doesn’t even matter anymore.
Yes I have felt numb and empty.
Weak.
Drained.
Blank.
I can still feel pain; unfortunately that’s part of daily experience with my disability issues.
The pain just drains me more and sometimes the pain meds don’t work.
Some days I can at least cry about it, other days I don’t even have the energy for that.
Being here helps; at least I am reassured that I’m not the only one.
Here you are right, we are never alone. I love this site….it’s helped so many in so many different ways. Wish other people could understand that and not say “that’s WEIRD” you can just get over shit. We are all hardwired differently.
I feel it alittle. Im numb to the world, news, weather, and family around me. I’ll hear things and without comment. I just hear it. I feel i lost my empathy.