So why does that strange feeling of loneliness is so powerful and confusing?
Lots of people here relate to it.
But sometimes we can be alone and by ourselves without it hurting us, without it even matter.
And then agaim we can be surrounded by people and yet feel we are doomed by the solitude inside us.
What is it all about? How can it make us feel so bad, so wrong, so worthless?
14 comments
Honestly, I hear it’s all chemicals. It’s why anti-depressants exist. It also explains the lack of consistency with feelings. I mean, I’m not telling you to hop on drugs or anything (not that it would hurt to try. I tried ONE and it didn’t agree with me, and I’m trying to gather my guts to go try a different one), but it is a simple explanation that might be worth considering <3
Chemistry is **** terible and yep it’s got a lot to do with it. But I don’t actually think that’s the only factor. it’s a little more than that… maybe. Un petit peu plus complexe.
Je suis un baguette.
I would say loneliness is being aware that you’re not part of the group, a real threat when you’re a social animal. If you’re home alone enjoying a good movie or something, you might not feel lonely, because you’re not thinking “shit, I’m not part of the group”. But if you’re at a party alone in the corner, you are likely very much aware of that fact.
John Cacioppo’s life work is basically the scientific study of loneliness. He’s written a book on it. He’s a neuroscientist.
Hey, great info, I am totally looking for this book
Awesome 🙂
All very true. Including the oversimplicity of it being “just chemicals.” Thank you for the recommends on the book, muspelhem— gonna go look it up 🙂
You’re welcome matey
We feel lonely because we are designed to be with people.
Just look at nature, animals. They all belong to their own pack
and for us to be separated from our pack makes us feel lonely.
Yes we have a powerful mind to be able to distract ourselves from it or tell ourselves we don’t need anybody but deep down inside there will always be a little annoying twinge that wants to connect with another human being.
If its not possible for you for whatever reason to have company then the best solution is to try to be your own friend, imagine yourself as 2 people, even talk to yourself if it helps. It tricks the mind in to believing we are not alone. Or get a pet and you will never feel alone. Their purpose in life is to keep us company.
Well that’s true for me, I think pets do help a lot, but I can’t have one because of my life style. But, also, somehow they are not always enough.
And even if I ‘ve tried talking to myself, I ‘ve never think of me as two different people, not consciously. I think I won’t be able to forget this idea again hahaha
Easy, just imagine you’ve got a housemate living in your head. I talk to myself way too often, never get lonely. Prefer to be on my own tbh
I agree with what Suicidal Angel said; it seems that we’re designed to “need” love and companionship, and I think that’s why it hurts so bad when we can’t find a good way to have that need fulfilled.
Or sometimes there’s an inner fight between needing to be loved and needing to be alone.
I hate being single and alone, but I also need to have a lot of personal space, so I guess I have the potential to be happy OR miserable either way.
I used to be able to have cats, but my health got so bad I just couldn’t take care of them anymore, so now I really do live alone.
My cat lived a good long life, though. She died at age 19, which is a long time for a cat.
If you can’t have a pet where you are you can still be involved with them, like say through a volunteer shelter or you could offer to take other peoples dogs for walks, get to spend a little time in a park with them. And yes I know its not always enough but every little bit helps.
As for the other part, well you don’t have to imagine yourself as 2 people but here’s an example,
remember as a kid if you didn’t have someone to play catch with a ball you would just use a wall instead and you would play by yourself. Its sort of like that. You just imagine you are the friend you want to play with or do things with and you sort of just do that with yourself.
Or get involved with groups. Find a hobby or interest and join a group and then guess what, you may just end up finding a friend who shares the same things you like.
Loneliness if you want to beat it is really one of those things that you have to make an effort to overcome and it can be scary going somewhere new or doing something different but the rewards can be worth it.