Random Quotes

I use to do a fun random quote of the day for my friends in the morning…here are some of them.  Thought you guys might some of them funny.

 

Well, aren’t we a fun filled lollipop tripled dipped in psycho?

 

Me Crazy?  Don’t make me get down off my unicorn and slap you!

 

Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes, but if I am still not back just read this message again.

 

Starting tomorrow – whatever life throws at me, I am just going to duck so it hits someone else.

 

My friend thinks he is so smart, he said onions are the only foods that make you cry.  So I threw an apple at his face.  Made some pretty good applesauce.

 

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason why I have trust issues.

 

Old people at weddings always poke me and say “You’re next” So, I started doing the same things to them at funerals.

 

When I am really bored, I text random numbers and say “I hide the body now what?!”

 

I’m not short, I am just  more down to earth than some people.

 

That moment when you talk to yourself and you start laughing like an idiot because you are just so hilarious.

 

I never make the same mistake twice, I am smarter than that, I make it over and over and over just to be sure.  🙂

 

A good friend would offer you an umbrella in the rain, a best friend would steals yours and say “Run ***** run!”

 

Don’t rush into love, because even in fairy-tales, the happy ending takes place on the last page.

 

I want to be like water.  I want to slip through fingers but hold up a ship.

 

Sometimes the wrong choices brings us to the right places.

Of course size matters, no WANTS a small cup of coffee.

 

I didn’t lose my mind I sold it online for $50.  Pretty good deal if you ask me.  I suckered those fools.

I don’t have to worry about being kidnapped at least not for long, they would totally pay to bring me back.

No, I didn’t say you were stupid.  I said you ARE stupid.  There is nothing past tense about it.

A friend will calm you down when you are angry, but a best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing, “someone’s gonnnnnnna geeeeet it.”

Everyone is all in love and in a relationship and I am just like BANANA!

 

People who fall asleep quickly scare me….don’t that have thoughts?

 

I am going to slap you so fucking hard that even google will not be able to find you.

 

Some people need a pat on the back….right at the top of the stairs.