the last time i posted here my mom had just passed away. that was november 18. january 13 my dad died. to say i am overwhelmed would be an understatement. the monumental task of dealing with one unexpected death becomes herculean with two. at age 45 i am essentially an orphan. and i feel so alone. the busyness of making funeral arrangements, visitation, funeral etc etc gives way to the utter loneliness and despair of everyday life. everyone goes back to their lives. everyone just tries to go on like nothing ever happened. they forget. i wish i could. i got sent home from work today because i couldn’t keep myself together. walking and chewing gum seems like too much to ask. my mind sabotages me. there is that little voice that keeps coming up with different ways for me to go. it scares me. it scares me because now i am under extreme stress and the reasons i should stay namely what family i have left may not be enough. i know what pain my family is in and i can’t do that to them. today. what about tomorrow? i am having anxiety attacks. when my phone rings i get a feeling of dread. my mind berates me for not finishing the job when i had the chance last summer. everything is wrong and i don’t know what to do. my health, my marriage, etc etc etc. even the shrink at the clinic i go to will have nothing to do with me. he hates me. not that there is anything he could do anyway. i have given up on pharmacology. at this point i would be happy just to be able to sleep. even that is at a premium. i don’t know what my future holds. what i do know is that if there is a next time i will finish the job.
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That is a lot of pain to deal with at once, the healing process couldn’t even finish before another hit was struck. Maybe it will be the best if you wait until things settle down. I can’t even imagine theepain you must be going through as I’ve never lost two xlose people at once. I hope time will help.
Everyone goes back normal. Even I wish I could go back to normal. I don’t know if it’s ever gonna happen.
I myself encountered 3 deaths within a year. I knew that time, that nothing is gonna change ever. I was right. It got wrose and wrose. The only thing that changed is, my endurance, it get powerful in past few years but I become more fragile, more vulnerable than ever.
I don’t have any suggestions for you right now. All I can say is that we all are here for you. You can express your feelings here.
And I also want to say. Do something to cope. Anything which makes your future life more bearable, more peaceful.
Peace for you. 🙂
Yeah that sucks. I went through lots of deaths last year.
1 animal, 1 human, 1 relationship, and deaths of dreams and goals I had to make my life better. Now I have given up on all of them.
And people expect you to be over it all too quickly.
It can take years of grieving. Some people are just not compassionate enough to understand that. What you are going through is normal.
All the stress, not being able to concentrate or even function properly.
The anxiety is fear of something else bad happening. Its horrible I know.
You think when is it going to end. I can’t take anymore and the stress is your body’s way of saying “I have had enough” Our body breaks down because our threshold has reached its limit. If you are able to I would recommend you take time off work. Rest is the only thing that helps ease the stress.