I feel stupid. I said good bye and I couldn’t do it. Took all my meds, tied the rope, had the noose around my neck but the pain was so strong, I couldn’t do it. Ended up sleeping for 2 days again and with a sore throat. How the fuck can depressed teenagers hang themselves from doorknobs and in closets? HOW?
Why can’t I just sleep forever? Sleeping feels so good. Everytime I wake up I think ‘Oh, fuck, again, a new day to survive’.
I am so fucking stupid.
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You are NOT stupid i tried literaly hundreds of times with sleeping pills and survived. Dying is not easy. Im sorry how you feel but am partially grateful you aren’t dead. Please don’t beat yourself up.
I took sleeping pills to make me disoriented to fell from the chair and suffocate, but I just couldn’t do it.
I know it’s no much, but if it was easy none of us would be here. Not me at least.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s difficult to die. If it wasn’t this website wouldn’t exist because we’d all be long gone.
If it is difficult how the F can teenagers hang themselves from doorknobs and stuff? Okay, 15 year olds have a weaker body than an adult, but they feel the same pain, how can they do it? Are the determined? I was determined every time I wanted to throw away my life.
NiDDA – I understand feeling stupid, but what you attempted is easier said than done.
I know 3 people who succeeded 1st time with hanging, including my son age 24. My son was no wimp but he did not like pain. He was very athletic and intelligent. He was also fascinated with the human body and mind. I think he did some research on the best way, without my knowledge. Since that time, I have researched how to do what he did. I saw him in the tree and noticed where he put the knot of a thick electric extension cord. What I concluded is that pressure on the carotid is key. No knot on the windpipe or back of head.
I did my research about carotid and jugular, I just can’t find my carotid, maybe in my neck it is deeper than in others’, because I stood on that chair for about 2-3 hours and all I got from it were:
A. drooling (wtf)
B. coughing
C. choking
D. neck pain
I didn’t pictured my hanging as a Disney tale with singing birds and blooming flowers, but this was very unpleasant. During that 2-3 hours the knot did a 360 degree turn around my neck, I tried every position, place it higher, place it down, under my chin, right side, left side, I felt like an idiot, and I still feel like an idiot.
But, as they say: three times a charm.
I’m sorry to disagree but I think the knot has to be on the back of the head.
That didn’t work either. Tried the front, the back, the sides.
I think my neck isn’t made for hanging. Maybe I should start a career and pull cars with my neck.
Best suicide ateempt joke ever.
I know it’s difficult because I hanged myself quite some times, and never suceeded on getting unconsciuous. This failure was just an oportunity for you to stay alive.
NiDDA: that really sounds painful. Both emotionally and physically. I don’t have much else to add aside from thinking about you and hoping you find some courage to find peace. If that be peace among the living or peace without living it is for you to discover.
I don’t know what to say about the pain. It isn’t pain anymore I think, it is like you were promised a journey and you can never go on that journey. I promised myself that I am going to leave this world behind, because nothing satisfies me anymore, nothing makes me happy. If I could go and live in the mountains alone where there isn’t anybody just me, I’d go, but this has no chance to happen… Everyday is a struggle to me, I don’t want to wake up and put on my ‘everything is okay’ mask, but I have to. I live a LIE not a LIFE.
And no, I don’t consider myself as a crazy person, I don’t see things which are not present, I don’t hear voices, I have just had enough.
Wow I had a dream about this dejavu. Don’t try this methoy please. It won’t work you’ll end up as a vegetable.