I don’t think i can do this any more, i feel as if I’m just annoying everyone and that no one needs me any more which is true my father don’t even want to spend time with me any more. His started speaking in French so I don’t understand him when his talking to other family members but i understand what he says. Maybe leaving this wretched world will give everyone peace especially me. I can’t take the pain from being the mistake in the family, i mean i know i am the mistake it’s everyday i get told i am. I didn’t ask to be born and im sure if im dead then this will help my family be more happy. I know suicide will help me find peace and that i’ll be more happy being dead than i am alive, nothing could be more worse then living with the fact im a bastard and that i was never wanted, not even my own mother loves me or even wants to look at me i feel as if im the family servant. My whole family is to disgraced to call me apart of the family that if we have company over that i have to keep my head down and only answer ‘yes mam’ or ‘yes sir’, i even have to hide upstairs in my room so that the visitors don’t see me.