It comes to my mind occasionally, the prospect of waking up in a hospital following a suicide attempt.
It scares me. It unleashes a new fear of doubt and uncertainty: the question of, “what if?”
What if the rope doesn’t work, then what? Or the pills? What if the bullet misses, or the height is too short? That the bag doesn’t work, or that the blood doesn’t flow? Then what? You wake up.
The simple thought of waking up the next day alive is unbearable.
The shame and guilt and hopelessness, anger, ALL negative feelings, how can you bear it?
I want to know if there are people out there who woke up following a suicide attempt. Tell me what it was like.
I hate saying this because I don’t want to jinx it, but suicide will NEVER be a 100% guarantee. And I don’t want to even think about what its like to wake up the subsequent day…
I want to know what its like. How bad it is. I just don’t want to face it, and hearing it from some of you might bring down my stress levels about it. Though, essentially I’m aiming for a 90% accuracy of death, so I’m not worried.
But the question gets raised in my head. Please provide personal experiences.
I hate to say this, but, I’d hate to ever wake up after a suicide attempt. I just can’t imagine it.
*Like to inquire about the experience in the hospital as well. What was it like being there?
9 comments
Well. It happened to me. I was severely intoxicated. Called my dad and said goodbye. Then went about my chosen method. A poor method. He called paramedics. I got some bandaids and 3 days in psych. I lied my ass off. I said I wasn’t really trying because if I had I’d be gone. I’ve since convinced myself I just did it for attention. It does make me hesitant to try again.
I’ve had other attempts thwarted. None became as public though. A few times I was “rescued” a few I slept it off. I guess. To think of it all, just makes me know commitment isn’t my strong suit
Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate it.
I hated aripiprazole.
So I took all of it.
It seems like a monumentally silly course of action written like that.
I also don’t know how accurate it is to say I tried to kill myself.
Something more like, “if this course of action results in my own death, I won’t mind”
And then I threw up. I threw up A LOT. Any form of movement brought with it such extreme nausea that the next however many poorly remembered hours where spent emptying an empty stomach into the toilet.
And then I lived. And then I went on. Day by day.
By day.
Wow. Yes, you hear many stories about teenagers (in particular) who take “5” Tylenol to “kill themselves,” and wake up alive in the hospital the following day- surprise, surprise.
But I’ve done it once where I took (what I’m assuming,) was a lethal amount of it 2 months ago. For me it was a very, “Whatever happens, happens. If I die, thats OK. I don’t care.”
I was just ultimately fed up. And so, I did it. I threw up a tiny bit the following day, but not too much. Yes, I can relate to that commentary you made on “not caring if your actions result to death.” I actually enjoyed it. I really related to that statement.
Yeah, Abilify was terrible
I’ve never ended up in the hospital for it, but I have been disappointed by waking up after what I thought was an overdose.
I didn’t even throw it up; my body just somehow found a way to process it.
If I was to do that now, and if I WAS able to find the “correct” dosage for the task, it would take people a very long time to find me. I’m single, I live alone, and I never have visitors.
I survived going in front of train. When I became concsious of myself I couldn’t believe where I was (mental hospital) and how could I survive. I was/am disapointed. It was train afterall. I don’t remember being in hospital and half of psych ward, though. Now I don’t know what to do with my life, but that’s another story.
Yes – I’ve woken up twice in hospital. And twice in my bed. (well, technically once was a motel.)
Hospital: 2 x after pills/alcohol OD. I will admit: The first time the doctor wrote on my report “still a suicide risk”. It was a little hazy, but I was definitely not pleased.
Most recently, I took a liquid and also a nice dose of benzos, just so I could relax and not freak out about the possible symptoms, but I obviously didn’t take enough. I only felt a little nauseous and as I lay in the motel room bed I remember my last thoughts being “crap, this isn’t gonna work!”
Nexr day after the motel incident, I drove myself into town and purchased some supplies. I was thinking like hell I’m not gonna try again after I’ve booked another night! Then I drove around the countryside for hours, trying to find a suitable place. Finally found a secluded area, but… that wasn’t to be either.