yet i still didn’t want to get out of bed. I’m pretty impressed i managed to one step at a time. taking of my clothes from yesterday one article at a time. convinced myself to throw on some nice smelling spray deodorant and put on fresh clothes. I shoulda stayed in bed though.
Today I feel worthless. like a waste. I resigned form my job because I got another job offer at another place. I feel kinda awful, like I’m abandoning them. Like this new job won’t work out. Like I’ll be a failure and lose everything. I know this is what life is like but it seems hard. I want to continue doing community work but i fear I’ll be too sad to keep going. I fear I’ll be too sad to even make it to my next job. I’m trying and putting one foot forward, trying to set life goals that seem reasonable and then accomplishing them but it all seems kinda meaningless.
I’ll probably keep living but I won’t like it. I’ve failed too many times at trying to die. and the people it would hurt I can’t bear to think of making them sad.