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Anybody… somebody…

by DarkTide

Please give me a reason to live. Tell me why it is so important for me to stay alive. Whats the point? Every single second is soaked in sadness, every weekend is a war. I am going crazy. Whats the point!!!

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beaubri 3/30/2016 - 1:53 am

This is for EVERY single person here.
December 5th, 2015by beaubri

I would like to share with every person on SP, the people to come, the people who have been.

Every single one of you, no matter who you are. What you’ve done. What you’ve been through. What you look like. What you think of yourself. Anything. You are all unique. You are all stunning, breath taking works of art.

And if you are reading this. Individually as a person. Yes you, and only you, no one else but you is my focous right now. (10 people could read this but the focous is individully on a single person at a single moment for each of you.) You made it today! You woke up, you’re concious today, you are able to open Suicide Project and read or reply. You maybe got out of bed, went to school, went to work, talked to someone, ate food, took a shower, anything. You made it one more day and that day is today, and maybe days to come. You are one of the strongest peole I know weather you believe it or not. I look up to you. I look forward to hearing from you. I enjoy reading everything you have to post and say. I take my time to read almost every post. I would rather take time out of my day to hear what you have to say than wallow in self pity. What’s on your mind, what you are going through? I want to know you. You may decide that tomorrow isn’t your day. And I would be happy knowing that I had the opportunity to get to know you. Because in the end it’s your decision. At the end of the day it’s your choice and I have no human right to take your choice away from you. All I can do is be happy for you. Because if that is what is going to make you happy, then I am happy for you. It will sadden my heart the day you pass. I don’t ever know if I will find out that you did. But I will keep you in mind. I will always think about you and wonder how you are doing. But remember that you are strong no matter how weak you feel. No one will ever understand completely what you are going through, but you are now surrounded on SP with people who can relate and accept you. We all accept you for who you are. We all respect you and your decisions. We all have a connection. And it’s BEAUTIFUL! Just remember that we are all here for you. We all want you to stay for as long you possibly can. We don’t want to lose you. We want you to be happy. Because that’s all anyone ever deserves. Is to be happy. To feel loved. We love you. I love you. I’m glad I met you. We can get through this. You can get through this. We believe in you. I believe in you. I LOVE YOU. I truely love you.

From the deepest region in my heart, BeauBrii.

claritee 3/30/2016 - 1:59 am

I can’t give you a REAL reason without sounding insincere. I do not believe that people HAVE to live if they don’t want to. And I don’t want to give you cliche reasons. But maybe if you can find one reason a day to keep you going, that’s reason enough. For me, today it was the rain. When I was walking today I told myself to stop rumination and focus on my surroundings. Even the water hitting the sidewalk was beautiful. Yes, I was sad and I could totally die right then. Drown in the rain. But instead I just listened to the rain. The way it was washing down the alley. The gray wetness of the sky. That was reason enough to live in that moment, maybe not enough to last a lifetime, but it’s something… I hope you find something that gives you any kind of happiness.

day2day 3/30/2016 - 7:50 am

Nice description, I love the rain too. It’s little things like that which make life truly beautiful and wonderful to me. I like all the seasons-except maybe the middle of summer-just too hot and we don’t have a nice lake nearby to chill out at-have to drive a fair bit for that.

Otherwise there is still a lot that I like about life and for me it’s gotten much better compared to a few years ago-though I could be headed for some trouble soon if I don’t play my cards right, but I think I’ll get through it.

dividebyzero 3/30/2016 - 2:38 am

This might not work for you, but for me it’s nature. When I go for a walk in the woods, or climb a hill and look out at the view, or sit by the water, my thoughts slow down a little. I realize there are still things I appreciate, and I remind myself that there are still some parts of the world that are peaceful and it’s not entirely chaos and evil.

Cordless 3/30/2016 - 2:56 am

My smart-ass answer would be that bacon and chocolate are both reasons for living, but not necessarily at the same time.

My heartfelt serious answer would be that even if I can’t personally do anything to change the world, maybe I can at least do something nice for other people, and maybe over the years those random kindnesses will add up somehow.
Maybe somebody will be having a piss-poor rotten day, and somehow I find the opportunity to do some tiny kindness like holding the door for them, or offering them something extra I have, or just listening to them vent. Maybe somehow that will make them feel better “enough” that they won’t go home and take it out on their families or friends or pets. I like to imagine that maybe a little drop of kindness can cause ripples that do end up making a bigger difference than we can imagine.

Maybe that’s just me desperately searching for meaning, but that’s the way I have come to see it.

tiredthoughts 3/30/2016 - 3:57 am

Daktide we feel your pain. I most certain ly do. A reason you need ? That isnt something you’ve already heard. Tr ::) to start over.
Maybe find . thjnk of one thing that you used to love and start over from there.. So you will be able to hopefully one day give yourself that one reason. Or think of one. I tried to start over. I have not yet found my reason through my sadness and weekend wars of drowning. But Im thinking and constant thinking, looking searching feeling and learning of one thing that i used to love. And start from there. Ppl i know constantly try to cheer me up. Hey look at this .. Or hey remember that. Or do this and that. And time and stuff. I cant give you thw reason that you’re clinging to life to try and find. But I hope one day life feels the slightest bit better for you.

tiredthoughts 3/30/2016 - 3:59 am

Oh! And what claritee said too. I like that person’s comment

Ylem31 3/30/2016 - 5:53 am

Tiredthoughts…. How nice to see you. 🙂 Thought you were taking a break from the site.

day2day 3/30/2016 - 8:11 am

OP, I have no idea what you’re going through-I’ve experienced some hellish situations that brought me close to suicide a few times but I worked my ass off and got through those problems. However even though I did, I wasn’t much better off than before. People around me were still doing better, going further in life, getting good careers/buying houses, etc and I was stuck in a lower station in life.

But I’ve been working to correct that and I’m on the verge of a major turnaround-if I do what I need to do to get ahead. In the meantime remember that there is both the good and the bad in life. Also you can overcome most terrible things in life if you work at it. A few things you can’t change but will have to live with.

When I grew up in my early teens I came to the ‘realization’ that my parents were ‘losers’ and thus so was I-it was then I really didn’t want to be alive. I’ve known nothing but lack most of my life because we were poor-so I missed out many of those wonderful experiences others had, like going on vacations and so on. At the same time though, I realized as much as I hated my life and parents, it could’ve always been far worse (there are more horrible parents and lives I could’ve had). Plus my parents were caring enough to give us a decent life even if we didn’t have much money.

Anyhow, I’m not going to post my whole life-story here, but just wanted to let you know a lot of us have struggled through very hard circumstances and ended up in much better places. And we’ve found many reasons to keep on living. My friends/family aren’t the best but they were there for me when I hit rock bottom and couldn’t pick myself up. Likewise I’ve been there for them when they needed me.

Depression/sadness usually concerns an outlook of your future. If you feel it isn’t going to get any better, you’ll be upset. In my case I’m optimistic since I think things are about to become drastically better, but what is crucial is that I worked hard to get to where I am now to make my life go in a positive direction. I could be wrong and things could still blow up in my face, but it won’t stop me from finding another way to achieve my goals. Happiness, the perfect partner/job/house, etc are not going to just drop into your lap. You have to work very hard at it. Good luck.

BlueEyes 3/30/2016 - 10:34 am

Because someone loves you.
You don’t know it, but they do. Go find them.
And forgive Chanelle. Forgive all those who don’t understand what depression feels like.
It would be like a fish expecting you to know how it feels to breath underwater – you wouldn’t know or understand.
We know though. We’re here with you. And we like you.
You are a very good person.

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