I had to go to college today. I was in from 1 to 5. It was the same lesson for the entire four hours, so it wasn’t as stressful as when classes switch. I was stuck on a table with the whole class (it’s small, only 10 of us and all girls), so my anxiety and paranoia was almost unbearable.
After meeting with my personal tutor yesterday, I’m allowed to leave lessons whenever I need to for as long as I need to. I wanted to every minute of class, but my anxiety stopped me and so did the fact that I knew I would just leave altogether. We have a 15 minute break at 4, so I stayed in class to compose myself. Obviously it didn’t work.
The Angels slowly started to calm down at around 2:30, and there were only a handful yelling at me as opposed to too many to count. The shadow people kept coming back, and body parts on everyone kept changing. I managed to avoid embarrassing myself and didn’t grab for someone’s hair, even though it was made of beetles and worms.
After break everything got worse. A girl in my class is doing Angels and Demons for her work, and everyone started talking about them. Of course, the Angels flared up and became unbearable. I did no work and refused to talk or look at anyone. I almost had a panic attack, but my tutor said we were leaving 10 minutes early. I packed my stuff and literally ran down 7 floors (14 set of stairs, but surprisingly I wasn’t out of breath at the bottom).
Since getting home the Angels aren’t as bad, and there’s only a few still going on. The shadow people are still here, and the other voices are coming back again, but I’m coping with this right now. My evening is turning out the same as my morning – not many voices and figures, gradually getting worse.
Basically my entire day has been horrible, and I have to repeat it as I have to go in tomorrow. Great. On the plus side: I got my braces off this morning.