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Bullshit Sister

by chelle428

So today I found out that my older sister always talks badly about me when I’m gone because I spend money on my horses and sometimes when I have extra money I buy myself something I like. She constantly complains about me living at home (I just turned 20 and she’s 25 and living at home) and says if I would stop spending my money on my horses and others things I could save to move out. First of all, most of my money goes to paying off the college I went to, which she had to do for dropping out and she’s only just now going back to school. And secondly, yeah, you can save up for the first month’s rent on an apartment, and for the deposit, but if you don’t have a good enough paying job to afford it then you’re screwing yourself over because you have to pay for apartment’s on a monthly basis.

She also says that my dad pays for everything for me because one time two months ago my car was being worked and I couldn’t go to the store and I asked my dad to drive me and he paid for my 97 cent bottle of lotion while we were there. My dad doesn’t pay for anything of mine. She has two kids and she got pregnant at 16 and that’s why it’s okay for her to live at home. She is just jealous of me because I didn’t have kids before I was ready and so I have extra money sometimes. My horses are the only thing that make me happy at this point so of course I spend money on them, they’re all I have in the world.

For a while I was living on my own, though I wasn’t paying off college debt at the time, but I needed to have extra money to pay my school so I could go to school and get a better job. Also, I was so miserable and depressed that I was constantly trying to kill myself and I was drinking constantly, I had stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. So apparently my sister was so pissed off when she heard I was moving home and threw a huge fit and told my dad not to let me move back. I honestly didn’t want to move back, but I didn’t have a choice because I knew if I didn’t move back I would have killed myself. I know 100% if I didn’t I would already be dead. But this is exactly why I didn’t want to move back.

I already hate myself, I already feel like a loser and failure for living at home and not being able to go to school. I feel so horrible every single day and every time I start to feel better or try to take a step in the right direction everyone in my family makes me feel so shitty. I thought I was making progress because I took a step to get better by moving home, I work with my horses and they make me feel somewhat better. I’m trying to handle the bad bits while doing what I can to make myself happy and to me that’s progress. I know everyone in family hates me and they never understand my depression, but I swear all they ever do is talk about what a failure I am.

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canadiansunset 3/7/2016 - 1:36 am

You are not a failure. In my country, girls or guys don’t move out of their homes until they graduate from college or university or sometimes not even after they get married.

chelle428 3/7/2016 - 1:42 am

Yeah, I’ve tried saying that in other countries it’s normal that people still live at home while in school or until everyone is financially stable. It doesn’t make a difference she just wants to make me feel bad and she’s bitter because she got pregnant at 16 and had to grow up and be an adult and so she doesn’t get some of the same privileges that I get since I don’t have kids. Even knowing that it still hurts how she treats me.

canadiansunset 3/7/2016 - 1:51 am

Well, if anything, I had a miscarriage and my sister knows, and instead of being supportive, she just makes me feel guilty and won’t even talk to me anymore about it. It’s not even been a month and she says I should be “over it” like it’s nothing. She won’t let me even stay in her room when I feel lonely, she even locks the door so I won’t come in. Plus, she betrayed my trust and told my parents something she shouldn’t have and now they hate me and not trust me anymore. I don’t have wifi in my room so I have to sit in the living room to use my computer and she won’t even let me stay in her room to use her wifi. She doesn’t even care I’m depressed. I asked her if she could watch a movie with me today and she said “no”. Everyone in my family loves her and thinks she is perfect because she is religious, and I’m the black sheep of the family.

chelle428 3/7/2016 - 2:03 am

I’m sorry to hear that, grieving is definitely a long process and you shouldn’t be expected to be over it already. Our sisters sound pretty similar, when we were young we were both abused by our parents and we always helped each other, now she just hates me and always talks bad about me. I don’t even have a bedroom in our house because my sister didn’t used to live with us but she had to because couldn’t afford living on her own. When she came home she took my bedroom and said I couldn’t sleep there. My little sister said I wasn’t welcome in her room either so I’m stuck sleeping on the couch and everyone complains even if I have a few of my things in there and I don’t even have a bedroom to put them in. She doesn’t understand at all how horrible depression is and doesn’t really care at all. The worst thing is is that everyone likes her because she is pretty, but she is so two-faced. She acts nice to everyone, but talks bad about them behind their back.

canadiansunset 3/7/2016 - 2:31 am

I’m sorry you are going through this really 🙁

chelle428 3/7/2016 - 2:44 am

Thank you for listening to me, I hope things get better for you.

canadiansunset 3/7/2016 - 3:07 am

I don’t feel they will 🙁 I wanna die.

chelle428 3/7/2016 - 3:17 am

I feel the same way. I haven’t made it there yet so who know if they will get better, but maybe one day it will be and all this trouble will be worth it. It really sucks and everyday feels like shit, but I guess most of the reason I’m still around is that maybe. I’m not really good at this sort of thing, but people here support you and are rooting for you and you have my support if ever you should need it.

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