Damn It

I am feeling so damned depression, feel myself nearing the outskirts of stability. So sick of fucking living in my mind. Wish I could talk to people, and extract some joy out of it. Wish that I felt wanted, wish I had something to interact with socially, and I don’t want it. It’s all a fucking joke. It’s all my mind, my brain chemistry, my destiny maybe (?), I got no fucking clue what it is, perhaps it’s my ever dwindling and fluctuating self confidence. I have no ability to focus, all I do is mindlessly watch television. I look at sp, and the posts are too much effort to read. I am fucking sick of life, makes me want to melt down, buy up research chemicals, and have a good old time. That being said, I know that’s not the answer either. So what am I to do? Sit inside and let depression, anxiety, and dysphoria consume me?