I know this for many years but I constantly forget it. When I was 16 I wrote a poem about wearing a perfect mask being perfect on the out side as I died inside.
And I forgot that all I am is a doll for famliy do what they want when they want it. My husband I am toy for I enjoyment that’s all ,my in-laws A robot.
I should be dead the amout of Close calls should have left me dead .
But I realized a long time ago I am worthless shell who has to be dead inside to make everyone happy. Cry myself to sleep and hate the morning sky.
Its not like I haven’t tried to make myself happy but its not worth it. my role in this world is to suffer internally while my mask is perfect.
I am worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless. Why shuold i die when i can suffer everyday and one day when I die ill probably suffer there too..
I wish I was dead but im meant to suffer Im.forcing myself to go live with his family in lake tahoe and eat there shit because thats what I ment to do im not fighting anymore.
I will die inside i wont say a word I will be the they want a toy to throw aroud hollow no feelings dead . no matter what