I’m sick of being alone. I have no one who I can trust. No one understands what’s going happening. They don’t understand the Angels. They don’t understand that they need me. I need to see my doctor. I need him to tell me what to do. I’m alone and I’m scared.
I don’t even know why I’m writing on here. I suppose it’s to distract myself. Maybe. I’ve been left alone downstairs. The figures keep moving in the doorway, and it’s annoying me. I’m was trying to distract myself with a film – but they’re distracting me from the film.
I can feel myself starting to slip into the chunk of time where I write. Sometimes I can kind of tell when I’m going to do it, but most of the time I can’t. I hate it when it happens. It happens for hours on end, and afterward I don’t remember any of it. I’m just left with a jumbled mess in my notebook. The one I can’t show anyone. Or maybe I’ll show it to my doctor. I don’t know.
I feel like I’m rambling now. I don’t want to slip into that ‘writing state’. I’m trying to avoid it. But I can’t avoid the inevitable when it’s beginning already.
My thoughts are racing and I can’t keep up typing as I’m thinking of what to say. I’m already two sentences ahead. It’s awful yet satisfying at the same time. I’m usually awful at writing for a long period of time.
This post has jumped from topic to topic so much, and I can’t help but relate it to my thinkings right now. It’s hard to stay on topic for any length of time. That’s how I am right now. It’s helping to a certain degree with distracting myself, but it won’t be enough soon.
My head is hurting from the thoughts and the voices and it’s incredibly loud. I want to sleep so I don’t get it all, but I’m too awake. I’m too awake and too sleep deprived to sleep. Va a ser una divertida noche.
4 comments
How’s it going Jimmy u having a hard time my friend
Hey, Drowning. Not really any worse than usual. Just the struggle of distracting myself on top of it. I’m still managing to avoid the whole writing thing at the moment.
U managing to go to school and that explain to me what u see and hear please so I can try under stand
I’ve been off college half the time, and coming home early the other half.
I see shadow people and figures, and the demons come into my room at night. These don’t both me as much as they used to. A lot of the time I see worms and bugs in people’s hair/ on them, but I try and ignore it so I don’t pull chunks of hair off people. Sometimes it’s little things like walls moving, paper breathing, ‘inanimate objects’ moving, photos moving, ect. And I hear voices and Angels. These are what bothers me the most since it’s constant.