Do I deserve this (terrible) life?

Do I deserve this terror-ible life?

Not just terrible, terror-ible.

I feel like I deserve more than what I am today.

Here are a few key factors to me, my personality, my life.

1. I took many online tests, all of them says I am a good person.

2. I almost never lie, and I’m also not lying when I say this.

3. I only cheated in school tests 2 times. And I regret.

4. I am 9.

5. I think I am gifted: I can do the rotate leg clockwise and write 6 with index finger in the air thing and not change direction, I’m one of the few people who can do it. Also, I use parentheses in mathematics on tests. Also, I literally had a question that said “What is 3 in between” or something like that. I said 0 and infinity. (with the lying down 8 symbol). Of course I could just do in between 3-(1/infinity or an infinitesimal) and pi, but I didn’t know pi back then.

6. My mother is loving. Sometimes can be a bit bad but love her.

7. My father… I don’t even know anymore. He pulls my hair and slaps me, verbally abusing me causing psychological damage to my brain, subliminally.

8. I get punishment for nothing. Also, it’s a myth that punishments literally make people have good behavior. After I was punished for nothing many consecutive times, seriously I got way worse. Punishment causes psychological damage to the brain as I said on 7, also teaches the child how to do psychological damage to other people’s brains. Seriously.

9. I have so much depression despite these things, even when I looked back on my life I feel much more depressed. Even when I did absolutely nothing wrong.

10. Nobody understands me.
11. I am a magnet for bullies.
12. I am OVERLY DEFENSIVE.
13. I feel like suiciding.
14. I hate myself.
15. I feel like I deserve more than what I am now.
16. I am a lie detector.
17. I am 41 kg. (Overweight)

18. I am suicidal, I feel like killing myself.

19. I feel like 19 seconds of horribleness is 19 days.

20. I don’t know, but I might be suffering from depression.

(will add more soon)