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Doing fine

by Moneypenny

So…

I am thinking, and searching on Google about it. And it feels good doing so because then everything becomes bearable: being scared of my future, being alone, being tired. I am thinking of staying on bed all day. I am sucking bigtime on my work and on my classes. I am trying and trying. But at the end nothing is working against my depression.

I am on therapy and on classes on how to deal with things. I am here. I called people and tried exercising. Tried being positive and living in present time. That’s what I am working on right now. But if I could think of something in this very moment it would be to end it all.

So I know this guy and he told me how to try something I doubt may work… I don’t get all the details. But maybe I can try… or maybe I can just lay here and do nothing because it would be cheaper and easier. (More likely)

Staying home all day won’t solve anything but then again nothing will.

 

9 comments
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9 comments

passionforalways 3/23/2016 - 7:16 am

Moneypenny.
It’s Bond.

I have been slowly infiltrating this site about suicide it’s so scary.
Don’t tell anyone you saw me.
I shall keep in touch.
I am cooking..wanna join me for a romantic dinner?
It’s your favorite dish.

P.S.: Do you like me disguised as this ugly guy?
Buy a tracfone.
Oops..black helicopters..gotta go.

Moneypenny 3/23/2016 - 9:43 am

Hahahaha
You are really nice.
🙂
Hugs

mindlessgamer619 3/23/2016 - 10:40 am

Hey, you beautiful thing you. 🙂
Just saying good morning.
I love you. <3
P.S wrapped in my blanket cocoon and unable to leave it.

Moneypenny 3/23/2016 - 11:49 am

That makes two of us.
I just have no interest in becoming a butterfly any time soon… What about you?

Ylem31 3/23/2016 - 11:11 am

Moneypenny… I just smiled the moment I saw your post. You have that effect on me. Plus, I’ve missed you :). It’s great that you’re trying to find a way around your situation. Stay positive and keep moving forward.
Hugs

Moneypenny 3/23/2016 - 11:48 am

Hi Ylem ,
I am soo happy to see your comment. I have been shy not comming on SP lately.
I am sorry you are bored at the hospital.
I have been thinking about something to say. I’ve been thinking about you a lot.

Hugs for you, big hugs

Ylem31 3/23/2016 - 12:11 pm

Big hugs right back at you.
I did something stupid on Sunday. I couldn’t handle the pain and wanted everything to just end. But here I am, and a part of me is glad I survived.
I’ve been thinking about you too lately. I kept hoping to see a comment or a post from you lately. I’m glad you’re back… Well… You know what I mean.

Moneypenny 3/23/2016 - 12:35 pm

What part of you is glad you survived?

I think we are always tempted to do silly things, but I am really glad you survived. I hug that part of you with thankfulness and the other part with warmth and caring because it needs a lot of attention and love.

How is your day?

Ylem31 3/23/2016 - 12:44 pm

So far, it’s been an okay day. Spent most of it sleeping. I’m at the hospital so…

I’m glad I was given another chance (third chance) to try and make my life and my family’s lives a little better. I hope I can make it through the year without an attempt. The suicidal thoughts are still there, but I don’t want to act on them. I’m getting help. It’s the panic attacks that bother me. They are so random and out of the blue, and they are very embarrassing. I hope I can keep myself under control.

Things seem to be going well on your part.

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