I think it’s easier to say the right, nice, things to someone else. I can objectively look at your situation and advise you without bias.
Then again, I’m not emotionally invested either.
I can’t do that same to myself. So the internal conflict is much greater. I know my strengths, I know my weakness, so I can build up and easily defeat myself too.
I help you with your self esteem so you can talk to your self they way talk to others . *clears throat*
” your hair looks nice today and you have pretty smile”
I dont know how you look but going from they way you are on this site and way you talk to others so kindly and sincerely. No way you have bad hair and ugly smile .
Haha! Me, I’m fine with some of the peculiarities of my teeth and I absolutely hate my hair.
It’s the case of being a poor echo chamber, I guess. When you don’t like yourself, you have plenty of opportunity to tell yourself such and reinforce your opinion. Honestly, as me talking to someone else
I see something I recognize. Marveling at the separate perception, feeling things are hopeless because the laziness is all on you, even using the term INERTIA. And to you, I can say you’re a human, and we all have our stories, and they’re all fascinating and special and build upon and into so many other tales in ways we can’t even see at first sight. And it’s okay when things turn grim, because all your tale has touched all these others that are here for you.
And I know how hard turning that around is.
I always love your input, Valiant. When I first read this this morning, I couldn’t really understand what you were saying, but that’s what I get for trying to make sense of anything before ten AM. I understand you now, and I appreciate what you said.
Right now, I’m trying to tell myself that I’m not disgusting. That I’m not bad and evil.
The reasoning: because I try to be good, and I want to be good. So I can’t be bad, can I? Or at least not all bad? I don’t know, it made more sense in my head I guess.
This is hard. I know I keep saying that, but it’s true. This is hard.
But remember when my therapist said that I’m always too lazy to do the work necessary to get better? She was right. I knew from the start she was. Ive been going downhill for so long and I have too much inertia now. I’m hopeless.
Moral purity is so much easier. Nuance is hard. If you were just disgusting, and bad, and evil, then I’m thinking you would have done some pretty heinous things by now. But you haven’t. Because you aren’t.
So maybe it’s ok if you’re a little bit disgusting, bad, & evil? Because you’re also all the wonderful things that stop you inflicting that stuff on other people.
Maybe you don’t need to try to be good – maybe the good in you is just enough, as it is?
What if the only thing stopping someone from doing bad things is cowardice? Are they still good then?
It used to be that my own morals stopped me. That a genuine love for my neighbor stopped me. But all that virtue has rotted away by now. I’m like a hollow tree with a run-away fungal infection. I wasn’t always hollow, but I’ve been sick for a long time, and it’s all been eaten away.
I still have empathy, sure. But I don’t think empathy would stop me. What’s stopping me is fear of consequence.
Thanks for your help, husk, but I don’t know if it’s applicable to me.
It helps me sometimes.. to always see myself from an outside perspective.. Imagine watching yourself, as you are now, from above, and seeing yourself not as you, but as a friend, someone who you know better than anyone, and who you want to be happy.
Yeah, that’s what I was trying to do yesterday. It worked for a little while.
I guess the problem is that I can’t see the depraved demons that run around in other people’s heads; I can only see my own. So I subconsciously assume that I’m an anomaly. If I were able to read minds, then I might not feel so bad about myself, because it could turn out that I’m not an anomaly, and that I’m not much more evil than anybody else.
But I’m terrified that even that wouldn’t work. I’m terrified that instead of learning to accept myself that would just make me hate everyone else in addition to myself.
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19 comments
I think it’s easier to say the right, nice, things to someone else. I can objectively look at your situation and advise you without bias.
Then again, I’m not emotionally invested either.
I can’t do that same to myself. So the internal conflict is much greater. I know my strengths, I know my weakness, so I can build up and easily defeat myself too.
Those are good points, Alan. Thank you.
I help you with your self esteem so you can talk to your self they way talk to others . *clears throat*
” your hair looks nice today and you have pretty smile”
I dont know how you look but going from they way you are on this site and way you talk to others so kindly and sincerely. No way you have bad hair and ugly smile .
Thank you for thinking of me as pretty.
I have bad teeth but I guess my hair looks fine.
Haha! Me, I’m fine with some of the peculiarities of my teeth and I absolutely hate my hair.
It’s the case of being a poor echo chamber, I guess. When you don’t like yourself, you have plenty of opportunity to tell yourself such and reinforce your opinion. Honestly, as me talking to someone else
I see something I recognize. Marveling at the separate perception, feeling things are hopeless because the laziness is all on you, even using the term INERTIA. And to you, I can say you’re a human, and we all have our stories, and they’re all fascinating and special and build upon and into so many other tales in ways we can’t even see at first sight. And it’s okay when things turn grim, because all your tale has touched all these others that are here for you.
And I know how hard turning that around is.
I always love your input, Valiant. When I first read this this morning, I couldn’t really understand what you were saying, but that’s what I get for trying to make sense of anything before ten AM. I understand you now, and I appreciate what you said.
Props to you, you took a step forward today. I’m rooting for you today.
It’s much harder than I thought it would be, beaubri.
Sounds like a really good thing to do. You can do it. 🙂
Thank you. I really hope so but I’m not doing so well right now.
Right now, I’m trying to tell myself that I’m not disgusting. That I’m not bad and evil.
The reasoning: because I try to be good, and I want to be good. So I can’t be bad, can I? Or at least not all bad? I don’t know, it made more sense in my head I guess.
This is hard. I know I keep saying that, but it’s true. This is hard.
It’s so much easier to just tell myself that I’m evil and that I should be punished.
Nothing worth anything is easy keep it up find the good in you and keep fighting .
But remember when my therapist said that I’m always too lazy to do the work necessary to get better? She was right. I knew from the start she was. Ive been going downhill for so long and I have too much inertia now. I’m hopeless.
I’m sorry for letting everybody down.
Moral purity is so much easier. Nuance is hard. If you were just disgusting, and bad, and evil, then I’m thinking you would have done some pretty heinous things by now. But you haven’t. Because you aren’t.
So maybe it’s ok if you’re a little bit disgusting, bad, & evil? Because you’re also all the wonderful things that stop you inflicting that stuff on other people.
Maybe you don’t need to try to be good – maybe the good in you is just enough, as it is?
What if the only thing stopping someone from doing bad things is cowardice? Are they still good then?
It used to be that my own morals stopped me. That a genuine love for my neighbor stopped me. But all that virtue has rotted away by now. I’m like a hollow tree with a run-away fungal infection. I wasn’t always hollow, but I’ve been sick for a long time, and it’s all been eaten away.
I still have empathy, sure. But I don’t think empathy would stop me. What’s stopping me is fear of consequence.
Thanks for your help, husk, but I don’t know if it’s applicable to me.
It helps me sometimes.. to always see myself from an outside perspective.. Imagine watching yourself, as you are now, from above, and seeing yourself not as you, but as a friend, someone who you know better than anyone, and who you want to be happy.
Yeah, that’s what I was trying to do yesterday. It worked for a little while.
I guess the problem is that I can’t see the depraved demons that run around in other people’s heads; I can only see my own. So I subconsciously assume that I’m an anomaly. If I were able to read minds, then I might not feel so bad about myself, because it could turn out that I’m not an anomaly, and that I’m not much more evil than anybody else.
But I’m terrified that even that wouldn’t work. I’m terrified that instead of learning to accept myself that would just make me hate everyone else in addition to myself.