I haven’t really believed in anything for a number of years now. I’ve heard people say that faith is the antidote to fear. One or two friends have suggested that maybe if I had some spirituality in my life, I wouldn’t feel so hopeless and afraid of life all the time. But faith has been kind of anathema to me. Belief in something just seems to set me up for bitter disappointment when I realize it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
I certainly don’t believe in myself, at least not when I’m in society. Some people can believe in the goodness of humanity, which I don’t understand at all given how much war and hate and oppression happens in the world every day. And then of course there are those who believe in a transcendent reality, i.e. God. That’s not me either. I don’t know if it’s the dogma that turns me off, or the rituals that often seem pointless, or just the fact that I tend to overanalyze and question everything. For instance there is the whole question of how a benevolent all-powerful God can allow natural disasters and epidemic diseases to happen. And so on.