I have just about had enough of this. I am so tired of feeling like I want to take my own life, telling myself that it will pass, feeling a little better, just to be slammed with the same damn feeling all over again. There are times when I realize that maybe I dont really want to die that I just want these feelings and emotions to stop. But its been going on for so long now I really dont think it will ever happen. Im so sick of feeling this way and maybe the only way out is to finally just do it.
Ugh, then there is my family that holds me here. Causing them pain if i do decide to just do it. UGH do I really have to be stuck in this world feeling this torture, fear, sadness, emotional pain and anxiety just so I dont hurt them? I want to scream!!!!! DONT YOU GET IT IM LIVING IN HELL HERE ON EARTH!
I want to just stop being. Stop feeling like people are judging me. Stop this deep…. shredding….. emotional pain. Do people really judge me like i feel they do? Or is it all in my head. I have never felt like I fit in for any length of time. Even when i was a little girl I knew I was different/not the same as everyone else.
I cant talk to anyone about the way I feel. So I post this here, where maybe people will not judge as much. Maybe they can even relate………….. UGH
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2 comments
I can definitely relate to just about everything you said.
Especially the use of the word “shredding” to describe the pain.
And the part about how your family “holds” you here.
Mine too.
Well im glad im not totally alone with how I feel. Will I act on it? IDK Wish I could. Setting dates then finding a reason not to….. Am I just scared to do it? Do I REALLY want to? Well we shall see what is stronger the fear and guilt, or the thoughts and feelings. Take care Cordless hope it gets better for you