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I think I’m okay?

by outinthedark

So last night i almost started crying multiple times in public, but no one noticed. i went to my old high schools band concert because i was in band so i know the majority of upperclassmen in the band. i wanted to see them perform and i missed their winter concert because of a car accident. a main reason for my going was to see him. to see the guy who made me realize someone gave a shit about me over a year ago. hes the main reason for my being alive right now and back in november i told him about my depression. hes been trying to help me some but i didnt see or really talk to him for three months which kind of killed me a bit inside because he means a lot to me. hes probably the person i love most in the world. its a platonic love, not romantic. but its a weird relationship. hes a lot older than me but is like a dad to me and i know i can go to him with anything and he’d help me.
i dont regret telling him about my depression or how he helped save my life. but i feel like he shouldnt be responsible for helping me in any way. i don’t want to put my problems on him because he has his own life, his own family, his own problems, and he shouldnt have to listen to mine. and i hate putting my issues on him.
back in december it got really bad in my head. i was suppose to see him at least once that month, but that didn’t happen. then in january i wanted to talk to him and i sent him a text but he didn’t answer because he was probably busy. after that i tried to forget about him because i shouldn’t have to talk to him to help deal with my mental issues. so i got along fine for a bit without him. then this past week shit started falling down again
so i saw him last night and the past few months ive tried to put him out of my mind because i haven’t tried to make any attempts to really talk to him and i didn’t want to put my problems on him. i saw him last night and it made me realize how much i missed him. i almost starting crying multiple times during the concert because i missed talking to him and seeing him. and then after the concert i got to see him and hug him. and he asked me if i was doing okay and if i was getting any worse and it made me realize that he still cares about me. which makes me really happy. because i don’t know what i would do if i found out he didn’t care about me. and now in a couple weeks were are suppose to talk again which im really looking forward to

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crockpot14 3/9/2016 - 9:23 pm

That sounds like a beautiful thing, to know that someone cares about you even though you guys haven’t talked in a few months. And I just want to put it out there that you weren’t putting all your issues on him, you just needed someone to lean on for a short time to help yourself get better. This probably won’t be of any service to you, but I believe in you and I think you will do just fine when you guys talk again. πŸ™‚

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