Living this way is drowning. You’re dying, your legs are getting tired, your arms are getting slower. Your breathing is ragged, your mouth is full of water. It’s like a sped up battle for your life, flailing and gasping, heart pounding, ears ringing, the cold, while at the same time everything is in slow motion. It seems to stop. Or it doesn’t stop at all. It just stays there. You’re dying, but you never stop. It never ends. You keep taking that last gasp all over again. You keep dying. But you never die.
Every time I try to write a note I just keep writing I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, but I can’t. I know you just want me to be happy, but I can’t. You want me to stay and be happy, but I can’t be happy here. I know I hurt you if I leave, but I know I hurt you when I stay.
I wish I could take back everything, but I can’t.
I’m trying. But I can’t stop thinking, I can’t stop drowning.
2 comments
Honestly drowning seems to be the best word to describe depression. It’s a horrible cycle that feels impossible to get out of.
What you wrote makes so much sense to me. Depression is so much like drowning and it’s like drowning in quick sand. You keep struggling but get no where. I honesty think this is why I like sleeping so much because if I am asleep I’m not feeling all the pain. Sorry I don’t have anything uplifting to say but do know I understand.