My parents don’t know that I’ve become suicidal, no body does. Everybody sings out loud, I know I do, and my family knows that I’m always singing and listening to music. I’m always singing out loud or humming. So maybe they just stopped listening to me because for a while I haven’t been singing songs, I’ve been singing what I want to tell them, but don’t have the guts to actually telling them. I’ve been singing, “late at night your asleep and I’m awake, with a blade digging in my skin.” I sang that loud enough for all of them to hear, but they block it out thinking I’m just singing. But I’m not. I want people to notice that I’m hurt and make them think if it’s them that are making me do this to myself. Today I brought my blade to school, I’ve been carrying it with me all week. In two of my classes I was able to cut my wrist and nobody noticed (I sit near the teachers when I cut myself) Are these people blind? What is wrong with this society? Literally, no one noticed a blade on my desk before I even cut myself. REALLY!? I hate my life, no body pays attention to me. I don’t even the last time someone actually paid full attention to me, they would always be detracted with something else. Even if I was in an empty room they probably wouldn’t even pay attention. I just want someone to notice me, not just know me as, that girl, or the extra, or even known as the person that people always forget about. What do I have to do for someone to notice me around here?
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this is tragic but accurate. if there’s one thing I’ve learned from cutting it’s that people really only see what they want to see. my mother quite literally touched the band-aids on my wrist, and they were very obviously a texture different from my skin, but all she said was I needed to moisturize. there have been many signs that people close enough to me could fairly easily put together. but no one has the time or cares enough. I am not trying to pity myself or you (sorry if it sounds pitying), but all I can say is get used to it. it’s been a year for me and literally not one person I care about has noticed or asked.
I hope things go differently for you, though. Everyone deserves to be seen and cared for, especially when what they want is to be seen. Cheers and wishes for the best, from one disillusioned cutter to another.