Is this thing I’m living even worth calling a life?
Where the fuck is this thing going?
Where do I see myself 10 years?
I see myself a depressed fucked up doctor slaving it out for my family that I love so very much, and still floating around in this world not even connected with my own body, just to keep them happy.
When the fuck am I going to do something for me?
What do I want for me?
I WANT TO DIE!!
That’s what I want for myself. I don’t want this thing called life anymore. It serves no purpose for me. I find no joy whatsoever in being alive. I don’t even feel alive, and I haven’t felt alive for years. I should have died years ago. Things would be so much better if I had ended this fuss of a thing when I had the chance.
I sound like a fucking broken record here. I’ve been saying this over and over again. But I’m still saying anyways. This is how I feel every single day of my fucking existence. I feel TRAPPED. I feel STUCK. I’m not alive for me. I’m alive for the people around me.
How I hate it. I hate it so much.
When will I be free of this pain?
I can barely look at myself in the mirror. I can barely recognize the person I see looking back at me in the mirror. I hate my life. I hate living. I hate breathing. I hate moving. I hate waking up every fucking day just to go through this same damn thing over and over again. I HATE IT.
Can I just die already? Please, someone just kill me now.