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No Emergency.

by GTSuicide_6

I got sent to the E.R today for suicidal thoughts.

NO.

Don’t tell me its alright.

My parents called me a big problem. They are angry at me. My mom said she wanted to buy shoes and now she can’t because “I did all this”. My sister said I’m being a stupid teenager. My father and mother said that I was doing all this intentionally so I can go see how a psychologist works, because I like psychology. My mom said that she feels bad for my sister because my sister wanted to go out the the mall, and they had to get called to the hospital. My mom and dad are angry they spent 50$ for parking at the hospital. My mom called me a whole bunch of swear words. My dad thinks I made a tiny mistake.

 

Tiny mistake. I never knew how worthless I am to them.  I never knew it. But they were even more pissed than I expected. My sister and mom said all the problems I was having were all fake and I made them all up just because I enjoy it.

When the psychologist left the room, and my parents had to leave my mother said, “Have fun.”

My dad said, “It is enjoyable for you right?”

FUCK THEM. I felt bad about suicide for a long time. Like, I’d be shaming my parents. Fuck, it was all my sister said the entire day. “SHAME. SHAME ON YOU.”

Those words fucking sting like a knife.  Now all this experience has given me is more hope for suicide. HELL YAH! I am going to do it on April 6th. I’m GOING TO FUCKING DIE!

FUCK YAH. FUCK I HATE EVERYONE!

I was never this sure. Now,after being sent to the E.R, I am.

🙂

Not an emergency anymore, I guess.

 

23 comments
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23 comments

jaybee20 3/18/2016 - 9:04 pm

Hey! I feel the same way. In your mind you’re already telling yourself that you’re worthless and no one will ever care for you. Then your worst fears come to life when people who you thought were the closest to your heart perpetuated every fear, every insecure thought you had racing through your head. I can’t count on both of my hands how many times I was about to end it TODAY. People are shitty, sometimes even your family can be shitty and unsupportive unfortunately. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say that you are worth so much more. You deserve support and love and you have to believe that. Don’t feel bad, don’t feel guilty. You are in a dark place and you need help. If they aren’t willing to provide that help then fuck them (not to disrespect your family or anything). I hope you don’t give up yet. I’m trying not to give up myself.

Love and light,
Jaybee20

GTSuicide_6 3/18/2016 - 9:11 pm

I don’t wish to hear crap. Today’s situation was so unbearable that I don’t care: nobody in the world understands me. No nobody does. I am beyond angry. Because I’m trying to type out my message here, and I can’t.
I can’t.
My mom is saying right now I have 0 problems. She’s laughing. I can hear her right now! OHHH!!! Now my mom is saying that my poor sister who wanted to go out the mall to shop can’t. My mom is saying she wanted to buy her shoes and I wasted 50$ for parking and I caused problems. I GOT FORCEFULLY SENT TO THE E.R! NOT MY CHOICE.

jaybee20 3/18/2016 - 9:30 pm

I’m sorry that you are in pain right now. I don’t know what else to say, but please keep venting. Keep getting everything out on here. Whether you’re pissed or not I’ll keep reading and typing back. I know what it’s like to live with a toxic family where there is no love or support. Where there is abuse verbally and physically. Keep venting. I know it’s hard. Shit sometimes I feel like I’m about to have a mental breakdown while trying to express the way I feel. You know the truth, that you did not get sent to the E.R on purpose. If it gets physical go somewhere in the house where you can be by yourself.

dyinginny 3/18/2016 - 9:12 pm

I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. The way your family treated you was inexcusable. You deserve to be treated so much better than that. I’m not sure how old you are but is it possible that your life will improve when you move out? Maybe you can hold on until you get out on your own? My life improved significantly once I moved away from my toxic family.

GTSuicide_6 3/18/2016 - 9:17 pm

No. Its so bad their reactions that even I, who loathes myself FUCKING KNOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER THAN THAT! THEY TREATED ME LIKE TRASH. MY Sister pulled on my jacket and pushed me!
FUCK THEM!

Mf 3/18/2016 - 9:26 pm

Actually i’d say they’re in denial more than you not mattering to them. They’re probably downplaying it to see if they can “make you snap out of it”. Worse way of doing things if you ask me, but i’d recommend you to try to calm down a bit regardless of how they’re treating you, otherwise you’re just letting yourself open for more blows from them.

jaybee20 3/18/2016 - 9:31 pm

So true, for so long I let people get to me like that. Only recently have I learned that I control my reactions. It’s still really hard, but I guess you have to try so you can grow.

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 9:34 pm

You can’t control how people act or react, only how you act and react to them. Really hard for anyone to learn, most people are never able to accomplish it.

GTSuicide_6 3/18/2016 - 9:35 pm

NO. You can tell if there is a little bit of care. BUT THERE I NONE! THEY DON”T CARE! YOU CAN SEE IT IN THEIR EYEs.

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 9:40 pm

Then just keep walking forward until they are a dot on the horizon behind you. Find a new family that you yourself create. I had to do that, it was well worth the wait.

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/18/2016 - 9:31 pm

@GTsuicide: I’m so sorry you got this raw deal. It never fails to astound me the way parents act regarding this topic. There is nothing they can do that will change you, you are what you are, born this way. What they can do, and what they are categorically not doing, is listening and supporting you. Sometimes parent lash out is spectacularly inappropriate ways. I myself have been guilty of that, it takes a really strong self assured parent to admit to their child they feel helpless to help them out. Not because they don’t love you, but because for whatever reason, they don’t have the tools or confidence to do it.

You look like you are really hurting. I can’t begin to put myself in your shoes. All I can do is listen and bare testimony to your struggles and validate what you are currently feeling.

Greenz 3/18/2016 - 10:22 pm

Wow, they sound like truly despicable people. I’m sorry you need to deal with them.

mindlessgamer619 3/18/2016 - 10:43 pm

I’ve said this a lot, GT.. I’m just annoyed that I can’t phrase this any better, but, I’m here when you want to talk. Regardless of how you feel on a day to day, you can talk to me…
It really upsets me that this happened and that you were treated in such a way… I can understand why you are so upset and angry..
I just want you to know that I’m so grateful to be your friend, and that getting to know you has been quite nice. I know you are set on april 6th, around that time, and that you are past changing your mind, but I’ll be here till then, and hopefully longer…
I love you, sweetie.

4beyondhelp 3/19/2016 - 12:33 am

that really sucks. rant all you want on here, you’re right that you don’t even remotely deserve to be treated like that. I’m so sorry your family acted that way. I know it’s hard to do what people are saying and just get away when you’re a teenager, but soon. Soon you can go to college and/or get a job and get out of there and support yourself. Don’t other people’s actions drive you to this. Someone once said that the best revenge is a successful life and you can, you can find people who treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
I’m really sorry you’re being treated this way. It honestly seems like something out of a nightmarish, worst-possible scenario. I wish I could give better advice but please hang on and keep posting here.

feeling sleepy 3/19/2016 - 8:08 am

Wow… That’s really cruel of them. The drive toward shoe shopping over her child’s health is… Really grotesque.

I had a slight breakdown this week, and my parents flipped out with worry. It was almost the opposite, with them just loving me too much. When they love me, I’m not supposed to make mistakes. Although I am just human, I’m not supposed to be.

There isn’t a relationship I can have that wouldn’t be fraught with problems. I don’t like relationships…

jaybee20 3/19/2016 - 11:34 am

Hey GT how are you feeling today?

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/19/2016 - 11:37 am

I was wondering that too this morning jaybee, how are you GT?

GTSuicide_6 3/19/2016 - 6:09 pm

@hazydaysunflower and @jaybee20,
My father yanked away my covers this mornings and forced me to clean around the house.
I couldn’t even do my homework. They are forcing me to clean for them.
Yay. I’m being punished.
They think this works.

jaybee20 3/19/2016 - 6:21 pm

Oh hell no. I wish there was sufficient support around for people like us. Especially when we live in toxic environments. How old are you? If you don’t mind me asking. Maybe a part time job would help. No disrespect, just saying that the more time you spend at a job, or volunteering, or at school is time you don’t have to spend with them. Then you get yourself together to get out of there. If they don’t want to help you fine, help yourself. I hope I don’t come off as preachy. I’m really trying to speak from the heart and tell you what I wish someone would tell me.

GTSuicide_6 3/19/2016 - 6:34 pm

My parents wont let me do anything by myself anymore.
But I am 15.
I love volunteering. But I can’t do anything.
They probably wont even let me stay i school for too long.

jaybee20 3/19/2016 - 6:58 pm

What if you tell them you are willing to see someone? Like a therapist. You can spend time away talking to someone and even get that counselor or therapist to vouch for you so you can volunteer. Tell them it’ll help you, if they actually want to see you get better. Do me a favor. Look in your mirror. No music, no talking. Just listen to yourself. I know it’s kind of cheesy, but I know God put everyone here for a reason. Sometimes I have a hard time believing that. Yeah I get weak too. I know you are going to do something amazing in this world. Just hold on a little longer. Want my email just in case you want to talk?

GTSuicide_6 3/19/2016 - 7:17 pm

@jaybee Yes I wouldn’t mind.
They called all therapists and psychologists “stupid” and “garbage people,” and mimicked their voices and their words like they were kids.
I have psychologists and a counselor and a family doctor that serves as a therapist. I have so many people.
And now that my family is involved, its worse.

jaybee20 3/19/2016 - 7:35 pm

My email is shortstuff472@gmail.com
That is despicable. Sounds like they’re the ones that need therapy.

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