I don’t know if I can do this to them. I think I’m ready, they’ll never be. It’ll be a nightmare they can never wake up from. I don’t know what to do. Once it’s done, it’s done.
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Hi fitzgerald, I’ve seen you posting here before. what is going on tonight? Care to talk to me about what is happening to cause you to get to this breaking point?
Honestly I’m really not doing great.I’ve wanted to end my life pretty much since it started, but I’m getting really close now. I’ve put it off for each little win time and time again. Now I’ve been graduated as a nurse and haven’t even had an interview for almost a year. I don’t speak to any of my friends anymore and I just feel lost. My life on paper isn’t really that bad, I’ve walked around with this pathetic self loathing in my head my whole life. I don’t even really want it to get better,
I’m just so exhausted.
have you considered volunteering for one of the nursing programs or Doctors without Borders or something? I mean, if you already want to end it all why not just start throwing some good into the world until you find a m@thod that you research to the point it seems a perfect choice?
That’s the hard thing. I have looked into Drs without borders actually, but it’s kind of my lack of ability to just say “fuck it” and try to be better that’s part of the reason I don’t want to be here. I’m basically ready to die today and I haven’t even given the tiniest fuck about enjoying anything for the last time or trying something new, or just doing whatever I wanted. Just going about my business as usual until I’m ready to go. It’s weird.
No that isn’t weird. That is chronic depression.
That’s true. Anyway, thanks for caring.
That’s true. Anyway, thanks for caring.
May I suggest hanging around with for a while.? I have found quite a bit of inspired things here and it has helped me in many ways up to and including pursuing some things I might not have if I hadn’t found this site. My life can be really challenging but finding people with challenges equal to or greater than mine, who manage to continue walking forward daily has made my life a little more bearable.
That word seemed like it should be Bareable…oer barable…but it is indeed bearable…like polar bear or grizzly bear. wow. The things I learn through spellcheck.
Going to wait until next week before I worry much more. When the lows hit it makes me foggy, like the world is a dim flickering fluorescent bulb. Going to visit my sisters one more time and see how I feel. Living like you’re dying is strange. It’s relaxing in a way I haven’t experienced before. Not like the songs/movies where people go skydiving or blow all their money on a trip to Bali lol. Just like, living moment to moment without planning ahead.
Whats going on Fitzgerald you ok over there I’m here if u want to chat ? Try hang in there