Hello…
It seems I find myself at yet again another rock bottom. You know just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse it actually does, and it just keeps getting worse and worse.
I just dropped out of college because lets just say depression kind of took over. It seems my childhood events have finally caught up to me. From my step-dad who I thought was my real dad leaving me and my mom on his birthday when I was 7 to my older brother being sentenced to 15 years in prison for committing murder, things just have never been easy for me. I just lost my little sister recently who decided to emancipate herself from the family after Christmas last year, I havent talked to or seen her since. No one knows the reason why. I thought maybe I would be the lone bright spot out of four kids but it seems everything is catching up to me now.
Being kidnapped when I was 9 by my step-dad, finding out my brother was going away when I was in high school, been through 3 different ‘father’ figures in my life, having my cousins break into my house and steal everything when it was only me a 12 year old kid at the house. You’d think something would start to turn around but sadly not. I was diagnosed with crohns disease 2 years ago and I really have never been the same since. Just feel like I have no purpose at this point, just a burden to people. I really have no care for being alive right now but I’m too much of a ***** to actually put an end to it. My whole life I’ve been waiting for things to turn around but now I’m wondering if things are just going to keep getting worse.
I don’t even know what I’m good at, what I want to be when I’m older god forbid I make it to my 30’s. That’s why I left school, just seemed like a waste of time and oh yeah most importantly my fuckin money. Isn’t this country fucked up? Like the good route that society sets up for you is to come out of your early 20’s with massive amounts of debt. Like what the fuck. I don’t know I do want to go back to school at one point but right now things are just so much more complicated. I have a procedure coming up because of my crohns disease. Hopefully I don’t wake up from it.