Oh Wonder

Kind of hit me like rock, not sure what I expected. And now the swirling depression just sinks in. I was planning to move out anyway end of the month and when I brought it up to bf he basically told me to get the f* out and that I am supposed to be sleeping on the couch and that we are definitely over. I already paid my half of the rent for the 2bedroom apt we share for the end of the month. It seems a little surreal. I honestly thought I was just going to move out and we would eventually break up since we are such different people. I guess I’m making last minute plans, but I have an apartment I was thinking of moving into but it isn’t quite finalized. Not sure if I should be sad or angry. Honestly I think I just feel surreal and maybe even relief?  I was looking forward to a lot of things, hopefully getting a new apartment, putting together a photoshoot for headshots and possibly even looking for a new job. I know I shouldn’t stop going fully towards any of these things but now I just feel like everything paused. Can’t get myself to pack more than the first box. Or get back into applying to new job positions. I get so unmotivated when I see how messy my apartment is. It is disgusting, and bf never helped out, always the bare minimum or he would just stop cleaning after 10 minutes of starting. I feel like he expected me to do all the housework. Personally need an equal partner who’s willing to put in 50/50. I guess I should just step back and chalk it up to learning to not date people who wouldn’t date themselves.