This is Ylem the Masochist speaking. And no… Not in a sexual way…
I want to strangle myself until I’m blue. Deprive myself of oxygen. That is just the beginning.
I need a whip. Scourge myself to the brink of dead. See flesh peeling off and blood pouring. Beat myself up like a fucking animal that I am.
I want to cut open my veins and watch the blood pour out. Feel dizzy and drained from all the blood loss.
I’m not done.
Bang myself against the wall until I have a concussion and collapse.
To top it all of. Plunge a knife in my gut and hold my intestines in my hands.
Stab my throat straight through the carotid and watch the blood spurt out.
All I want is to feel pain. Physical pain would be so much better than the emotional turmoil.
I fucking hate people. I hate the entire fucking human race, including myself. I think I hate myself more.
I deserve nothing but pain. I deserve to suffer.