So I overdosed on heroin/fentanyl yesterday afternoon for the second time, spent the night in the hospital for the second time, and wish I hadn’t made it for the second time. It was the same person who saved me this time too, my neighbor. She doesn’t live in my house, she doesn’t have any reason to come inside, and yet for the second time, she had a “feeling” that something was wrong. So she checks in, does cpr until the medics get there and shoot me up with narcan for the second time, then they took me to the emergency room to observe me and give me IV fluids and an ecg. That’s twice now they should have just let me go, I guess I just haven’t done enough. Fuck, how much clearer can my intent be? That’s twice in 3 months. It really isn’t as easy to die as it seems it should be. But it sure is easy to completely fuck up your life and all of your relationships. Just a warning to anyone else who goes the chemical route. Shit my sternum still hurts from the chest compressions the neighbor did and my muscles still hurt from the narcan.
Why is it so hard to die, its supposed to be easy, people do it thousands of times a day. Whatever, my family still hates me, I still hate them, and I still hate myself, nothing changes. Ill never change, the only thing that changes is the scenes im cast in, and those are mundane.
7 comments
i can only imagine the rage i’d feel if someone saved me. sorry that happened to you.
Sorry to hear your story I feel your pain
Wow. That’s quite a combo there.
Your neighbor must be borderline psychic. How did she get in? How has she not been arrested for unlawful entry?
My brother-in-law kept ODing on heroin. About once a year we would get the call. We finally got the last call three years ago, he was only 28. His father found him in his room dead. He had been clean for about 5 months. I think he just couldn’t live in this world, the heroin made it bearable, but eventually even the heroin didn’t help any. He was the sweetest person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
I’m hoping you stay with us and find a reason to keep walking forward.
That’s got to be so frustrating. I always thought that heroin overdose would be the best way to go. Too bad I have never done heroin and don’t know how to get it.
Are you still with us? Was the heroin overdose painful?
Why didn’t you lock the door?