so over my short period of life iv had to deal with addictions because of this fucking void that needs to be filled so in high school it was weed I smoked weed everyday to till this fucking dark hole and then after I left college guess what that void needed next alcohol so I went though a period of drinking everyday because that void didn’t like weed no more then the void needed food so I eat and put so a hell of a lot of weight but then the void didn’t need food just the alcohol was enough to keep it filled so I lost all the weight and was a alcoholic so then I stopped drinking for 3 year now but guess what THAT FUCKIN VOID HAS FOUND FOOD AGAIN !!!
Life is too stressful as it is to be fat depressed and suicidal and have to think about my weight for god sake give me a fucking break what more do u want from me u can have my life I don’t want it no more anyways kill me now
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You’re doing ok. The dark hole seems to come and go for me. I was in it about three hours ago and now, after 3 beers, I’m not in it anymore. Life if fucked up. One minute i’m contemplating suicide, the next minute I’m ok. Crazy. Life is crazy. Go with that. Life is crazy and there’s really no figuring it out. Gain weght, lose weight, get drunk, get sober, get high, get low, what’cha gonna do cept feel the blow.
I like that saying yeah it’s pretty true tho
I’ve gone through about the same thing: from weed to alcohol to disordered eating.
It’s interesting. I was binge eating about 3000+ calories a day (on top of my normal meals) every day at work for several months, unable to control myself and sometime making myself throw up.
Then I tried taking about 100mg of dxm from robitussin. That small dose somehow broke 5+ months of binge eating.
Dxm is a serotonin reuptake inhibitor, so it increases the amount of serotonin (the happiness chemical) in your brain.
Lately I’ve been making a point to talk to people at work as much as I can about anything I can to keep the words flowing, and the more I talk to people the less I turn to drugs and food. I’ve read that social interactions can release serotonin in the brain. Connecting with people even in a shallow environment seems to help fill that void in my brain.
I watched a Tedx talk once about how loneliness and isolation are the principal causes of addiction.
Anyway, if you are having trouble with an addiction I recommend interacting with other people as much as you can. It has helped me.
AgentQ has a really good point. When I was younger I dumped any manner of substance into the dark hole inside me. The hole never filled. However interacting with other humans, even on a shallow level gave me a sense of connection. I still had that hole, but it made it a little easier not to dump as much crap into it. I could pretty much write agentQs comments aside from the robitussen. I did not know that about robitussen. Hu, the things I learn daily.
Anyway, one of the unifying features of any addiction recovery, be it binge eating, gambling, cutting or drugs is finding something meaningful that competes with the addiction. An activity that can’t be done while engaging in the addiction. Having people around me that don’t know me well enough to actually engage in some of the more oddball things I do has helped me greatly, plus forcing myself to make meaningful connections to people, no matter how awkward I feel, has helped a great deal. Each week I chose someone at work to engage with. Stalker mode = off. I just ask them how their day is going or make a light joke. Sometimes I’ll leave a funny note on their desk of send some Pusheen clip art to the team. Force myself to remake my darkness into something more like velvet instead of a black pit.
Hazy Day Sunflower, Swallowing a sponge works too!